Other jokes

Where do facts come from?

The factory.

My friend told me a joke about a TV controller.

It wasn't remotely funny.

I am always a Gentleman.

I always open doors for a Ladies.

I was holding a door open for a young lady

Yesterday, ignorant bitch said to me.

"Will you fuck off, I'm trying to have a shit."

Did you hear they changed the font of alphabet soup?

Now it is Times New Ramen

A young boy comes home from school after learning about sexual health and asks

Boy - 'Dad what does a vagina look like?'

Father - 'Well son, that depends. Are you interested before sex or after sex?'

Boy - 'Urmmm, before'

Father - 'It resembles the beautiful petals on a rose'

Boy - ' And what about after sex?'

Father - ' Son, have you ever seen a bulldog eating mayonnaise?'

My neighbor just got arrested for growing pot plants

I guess my property line isn't where I thought it was.

I always wanted to be a multimillionaire, just like my dad.

He always wanted to be a multimillionaire too.

Tim, the 68-year old virgin died yesterday.

He never got to 69.

I've been in jail 5 minutes and already got raped twice

I'm fucking done playing monopoly with my dad.

My wife left me because I bought the new Nintendo, but I'm not even upset...

...it was time for a Switch.

My friend was visiting from Barcelona, and he asked me if he could crash on my couch.

I wasn't expecting some kind of Spanish imposition!

I have a bumper sticker that says, "honk if you think I'm sexy"...

I just sit at green lights until I feel good about myself

What is the difference between girls aged:8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58 and 68?

At 8 – You take her to bed and tell her a story. At 18 – You tell her a story and take her to bed. At 28 – You don’t need to tell her a story to take her to bed. At 38 – She tells you a story and takes you to bed. At 48 – You tell her a story to avoid going to bed. At 58 – You stay in bed to avoid her story. At 68 – If you take her to bed, that’ll be a story!

My boyfriend admitted to me that he's a dom

I always pegged him as a sub.

What does COVID and riding a motorcycle have in common?

You can do everything right but other people can still fuck you over.

What is the most common use for pig skins?

To keep the pig in one piece.

I was invited to a party and was told "dress to kill"

Apparently a turban, beard, and a backpack wasn't what they had in mind

So there I was, staring at Medusa's boobs when she said "HEY! My eyes are up here buddy!"...

But I was already rock hard

Success is like giving birth...

everyone congratulates you in the end but nobody knows how many times you got fucked in order to get there.

Called an old school friend, asked what was he doing nowadays...

He replied that he is working on "aqua-thermal treatment of ceramics, aluminium, and steel under a constrained environment"

As always, I was impressed...

On further enquiring I learnt that he was washing dishes with hot water under his wife's supervision.