Other jokes

Chuck Norris caught the coronavirus

but later decided to let it go.

A mother asked her son to lose their cat somewhere in the jungle.

The boy obeyed. The boy returned home and reported to his mom.

Son: Mom! I led the cat far into the jungle. I even got lost!!

Mother: How were you able to come back home?

Son: I followed the cat.

Online classified ad

Premature ejaculator in need of smoking hot size 6 blonde.

Preferably with blue eyes and huge double d....

Nevermind.

What do you call a quadriplegic laying on the floor?

Matt.

I met a lovely lady last night.

Although she was 57 she was very sexy and funny, she asked me if I fancied a Mother-Daughter threesome? I jumped at the chance,so we went back to her place, she took out her door keys and opened the door, turned on the light.

And shouts out, "Mum are you still awake."

Why did the capacitor kiss the diode?

He just couldn’t resistor.

If a man opens the car door for his wife

You can be sure of one thing — either the car is new or the wife is.

I left two Justin Beiber tickets in my car and

some bastard broke in and left two more.

What do me and Rudy Giuliani have in common?

Neither of us are allowed to practice law in New York.

Cant work for my boss anymore

Me: I cant work for my boss anymore after what he told me yesterday.

Friend: What did he say?

Me: " You're fired "

Last year, kids were eating tide pods. This year, they're getting vaccines and picking up trash.

Seems that eating tide pods makes you smart!

My neighbour's 4-year-old has been learning Spanish since lockdown.

He still can't say "please" though, which I think is poor for four.

The swordfish doesn't have any natural predators to fear of ...

... except for the penfish, which is thought to be even mightier.

What is the difference between Hitler and Seabiscuit?

Seabiscuit could finish a race.

A man goes into a job interview, and presents himself well.

The employer is shocked at how professional he is, "Wow, you have an incredible resume, and present yourself fantastically, but you seem to be missing 5 years on this part of your resume. What happened there?"

The man replied "Oh that's when I went to Yale."

The employer is even more impressed. "That's great, you're hired!"

The man is super happy and says "Yay, I got a yob!"

I'm great at sleeping...

In fact, I can do it with my eyes closed!

What kind of sneakers do kidnappers wear?

White Vans.

Your mama so ugly

Her blowjobs count as anal

Father’s Day Presents..

5 year old son.....after reading story of a king.....

Son:......Mom, I also want 3 wives.....one will cook, one will sing, one will bathe me.......

Mom:....And which one will put you to sleep

Son:..No mom, i will still sleep with you....Mom's eyes filled up with tears ... God bless you son

Mom:...but who will sleep with your 3 wives

Son:....Let them sleep with daddy...

Daddy's eyes filled up with tears... God bless you son !

*Happy Father’s Day!*

How do Germans turn lights off?

The offschwitz