Other jokes

The US should make DC, Guam, and PR states.

53 is a prime number.

Then we would truly be 1 nation, indivisible.

I went to the beekeeper to get 12 bees.

He counted and gave me 13.

“Sir, you gave me an extra”, I said.

“That’s a freebie.”

Never marry a tennis player

Love means nothing to them

They all laughed when I said I wanted to be a comedian.

Well, they're not laughing now! Wait...

Here's some advice for all men

If you get a boner in public, point up at the sky and shout "OH FUCK LOOK OVER THERE!" It's all about the missed erection

A gamer dies and goes to hell...

After one week, the devil goes to God:

\- God?! What crazy person have you send me here? He destroyed all the cauldrons, killed all demons, running like crazy everywhere and yelling: "Where is the exit to LEVEL 2!!!"

There's plenty of jobs in the porn industry when you have a cock like mine.

Camera man, light and sound technician, make up artist, or even production manager.

For his birthday, I got my son an alarm clock that swears at him instead of beeping.

He’s in for a rude awakening.

Little Johnny is always being teased by the other neighborhood boys for being stupid. Their favorite joke is to offer Johnny his choice between a nickel and a dime Little Johnny always takes the nickel. One day, after Johnny takes the nickel, a neighbor takes him aside and says, "Johnny, those boys are making fun of you. Don't you know that a dime is worth more than a nickel, even though the nickel's bigger?" Johnny grins and says, "Well, if I took the dime, they'd stop doing it, and so far I've made $20!

I got a DVD on how to improve your foreplay techniques....

I had to fast forward through all the boring bits in the beginning though.

My marriage counselor asked me to think of something me and my wife have in common....

I said, "Well, we both refuse to suck dick."

A group of introverts is called an oxymoron

Please help me

The entire neighborhood got together to discuss what to do about that crazy guy on our street ...

... I'm a bit annoyed that I was the only one not invited.

So my 6yo tells me a joke

What did one eye say to the other? Between you and me something smells!

For years, my wife and I had sex as soon as we woke up. Sadly, she passed away.

Now I wake up every day with mourning wood.

Where does 007 invest his money?

Bonds. Stocks and bonds.

Patient: Oh doctor, I’m just so nervous. This is my first operation.

Doctor: Don't worry. Mine too.

How does the mummy plan to destroy Superman?

He's going to lure him into the crypt tonight.

What is the area at the Danish/German border called?

The DaneGer zone!

I'll show myself out.

What soup weighs two thousand pounds?

Wonton soup.