Other jokes

What do you call a Muslim flying a plane?

A pilot you racist fuck

Why did the cowboy have to buy a dachshund?

He had to get a long little doggy.

Hitler walks into a restaurant...

Adolf walks in to a restaurant and states, "I'm hungry!"

The owner asks, "Well, what do you want to eat?"

Hitler replies with, "As long as it's *not-sea*food, I'm sure I'll love it!"

When Canada was first unified, they realized they needed a name for this new country, so they decided to draw letters oot of a basket to name it.

The first prime minister went up on stage and started pulling letters and announcing them to the crowd. "C, eh?"..."N, eh?"..."D, eh?"

We'll We'll We'll

If it isn't autocorrect

What do you call a midget having an orgasm?

A shortcoming

Got home to find my wife had left a note on the fridge that said "This isn't working I'm going to my mum's"

I opened up the fridge. The light was on and the beer was cold. I'm not sure what she was talking about.

My wife is fed up of my constant Dad jokes, so I asked her, "How can I stop my addiction?"

**Wife:** whatever means necessary.

**Me:** No it doesn't.

Confucius say...

Difference between camping and being homeless is intent.

Donald Trump is really a proved racist and sexist, because...

He beat a woman badly in his run for the presidency and threw a black family out of a white house...

I went to see a fortune teller last night. She looked at me and said, "In five years time you will have 3 children."

"But I already have 4 children!" I laughed. She said, "I know, cancer is a bastard."

I bought my wife a stripper pole for our anniversary and installed it in our bedroom.

Whenever I ask her if she likes it, she just dances around the subject.

Breaking News: Bill Gates has agreed to pay for Trump's wall

On the condition that he gets to install windows.

A husband and wife sit in their bed.

The husband tells his wife; I bet 20$ that you cant say something that will make me happy and sad at the same time.

The wife thinks for a second and says: you have the biggest dick out of all your friends.

A group of chess enthusiasts check into a hotel...

They stand in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager comes out of his office and asks them to disperse. "But why?" they asked as they move off. "Because," he says, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."

My girlfriend told me I'm her 32nd lover

Turns out what she really meant was I'm her thirty second lover

What do you call it when a kid teaches their parents?

Learning from your mistakes.

I hope England beats Iceland...

Or they will be out of Europe twice this week!

I just came on my phone’s screen and it didn’t unlock

So much for facial recognition

Did you hear about the 7' NBA star who married a blonde midget?

He was nuts over her.