Hit by a fastball
A man walks into his kitchen with his hands between his legs
and a pained expression on his face.
"what happened darling?" says his wife.
"I got hit with a fastball at practice" he replies.
"Oh you poor man, come here and i'll massage it better".
So she pulls out his penis and begins to massage with various scented oils.
"how's that my darling, are you feeling better?"
The man examines his bruised finger and says:
"That's great darling, but I still think i'll lose the nail."
A man, crying in pain, complains to the dentist “It feels like my left jaw is possessed by the devil!”
“Oh! Then eat right and exorcise”
Doctors say they found a food that causes years of pain and suffering after its eaten...
It's called wedding cake
My wife said I was a God in bed.
Her exact words were "You're a God damn pain in my ass," but I know what she meant.
Hank Hill got a job working in a BDSM store.
He sells pro-pain and pro-pain accessories.
A wife got so mad at her husband she packed his bags and told him to get the Hell out
As he walked to the
door she yelled, "And
I hope you die a long
slow, and very painful
death
He turned around and
said, "So, you want
me to fucking stay?"
I had to quit my job as a gay pornstar...
....It was such a pain in the ass
I hope you don't get your period on Valentine's Day.
It's going to be a pain in the ass.
My wife said to me the other day, "Why did God give women periods with cramp pains, and men nothing?"
I laughed and replied, "Don't be silly, he gave us women."
A Irishman, Mick goes to the doctor complaining of stomach pain...
Doctor: "Well I cant find anything wrong with you , it must be the drinking"
Mick : "Ill come back when you're sober Doctor"
BREAKING: New Study Shows Getting Hit in the Testicles is More Painful than Childbirth
After childbirth 34% of women said “Yes” they would like to have another child.
After getting hit in the testicles ~0% of men said “Yes” they’d like to do that again.
Without women, sex would be a pain in the ass.
A woman goes into labor with her child. The doctor says they've invented a new device to transfer the pain of childbirth to the father. He asks if it's okay to use the new device. The couple agrees, so he turns the pain to the father to 10%. The man feels nothing. They then bump it up to 20%. He still feels nothing. They keep doing this until the machine is at 100%. The man still feels nothing, so they go home happy until they find the milkman dead on the porch.
A man sunbathes in the nude and ends up burning his penis
His doctor tells him to ease the pain by dipping it in a saucer of cold milk. Later, his blonde wife comes home and finds him with his dick in a saucer of cold milk.
"Good heavens!" she remarks "I always wondered how you reloaded those things!"
Blowjobs do not relieve headaches
The other day, I had an astoundingly painful headache and I couldn't help but complain about it to my girlfriend. She surprised me by saying, "Ya know, blowjobs can be a natural cure for a headache..."
So, I thought it was worth a shot. But that day I learned my girlfriend is damned a liar.
I sucked three dicks and my head still fucking hurt.
Did you know that during child birth there is a point where the lady experiences such excruciating pain that for a moment
She almost knows how bad it is to be a man who has the flu
My wife yelled to me from upstairs.
Wife: "Do yo ever get a shooting pain across your body,
like someones got a voodoo doll of you and the're stabbing it.?"
Me: "No.. why."
Wife:. "How about now.?"
A psychic just told me I'd go through an unbelievable pain in 12 years
To cheer myself up, I bought a puppy!
A man is walking past the mental hospital
through the board fence he hears the nuts inside chanting, thirteen...thirteen...thirteen. Curious, peeks through a knot hole and someone pokes him in the eye! As he jumps back in pain he hears the nuts start chanting, fourteen...fourteen...fourteen.
A man was filling up gas in his car when he got some on his jacket
Then he went in the car and lit a cigarette and catches his sleeve on fire. The man, freaking out, gets out of the car and sees a policeman sitting nearby. So he starts waving at him and yelling at him for help, and the cop gets up in a hurry and without a second delay shoots him. The man, now on the ground in excruciating pain asks why he shot him the cop says “what was I supposed to do? you were waving a firearm!”
Pain.
Two young boys are waiting for their
surgery...
“What operation are you having done?”
“Getting my tonsils out, what about you?”
“Circumcision”
“Oh that’s bad, I had that done when I was born
and I couldn’t walk for a year”
In Ancient Rome there were 4 types of poison...
Poison I, II, III, would all kill you with varying degrees of pain.
However poison IV would make you really itchy.
