Relationship jokes

Always make sure SOMEONE in the relationship has good credit...

That's why it's called SIGNIFICANT other. Sign/if/I/Can't.

My friend just told me a long boring story about an incestuous relationship.

It was such an auntie climax.

Apparently 1/3 of people in a relationship are unfaithful

I’ve just gotta figure out if it’s my wife or my girlfriend

I don't have a great relationship with my doctor.

In fact, I feel sick every time I see her.

I loaned my girlfriend five hundred dollars a couple years ago. Today she gave me the money back.

I broke up with her because I lost interest in the relationship.

My girlfriend and I have a complex relationship.

I'm the real part and she's the imaginary part.

In a lesbian relationship, which one makes the sandwiches?

Neither. They eat out.

I was asked how I view lesbian relationships.

Apparently in HD wasn't the right answer.

It's a healthy relationship

My wife told me that she wanted to give me a deepthroat blowjob today.

"Really!" I exclaimed.

"No," She said, "April Foogargagggrraggggle."

That'll teach her to try and be funny...

What is the difference between one night stand, long relationship and marriage?

in one night stand you tear off the panties

in long relationship you gently remove the panties

in marriage you wash and dry the panties. then fold them and put them in the clothes cupboard.

Did you know there are 3 rings in a relationship?

The engagement ring, the wedding ring and the suffer ring

Today I ended a long term relationship.

I don't really care though, it wasn't mine.

I'm sick and tired of your obsession with walkietalkies, this relationship is over!

This relationship is what? Over.

In order to make a relationship work, you have to make a lot of sacrifices....

Which is why I keep a large number of goats in my garden...

A relationship is like a fart

If you have to force it, it's probably shit.

Fuck cheesy chat-up lines, We need better break-up lines:

Hey baby, are you being followed? Because I've been seeing people behind your back. Is it hot in here, or are you just suffocating me in this relationship? I didn't know angels flew this close to the ground. Maybe that's because this angel's gained a little weight since we started going out. You and me love, we're like six balls in cricket. OVER! I'm leaving you on religious grounds. I've decided to become a Jew, and you're a fucking pig.

I plotted all of my past relationships on a chart

It had an “ex” axis and a “why” axis.

A relationship with no trust is like having a phone with no service

You just play games.