Sex jokes

Oral sex makes your whole night

Anal sex makes your hole weak

A lot of people seem surprised when I tell them I regularly have sex with my boss

One of the many perks of self employment.

Day 173 without sex

Threw the blue shell in Mario Kart while I was already in first place to remember what it's like to get hit from behind.

Little Johnny catches his mom and dad...

Mom and dad are having sex when little Johnny walks in. Quickly, dad tells him to leave. When mom and dad come out of the room, they explain to Johnny that sometimes daddy's get a big tummy and mommy's have to jump on it so it will deflate. Then Johnny replies, "But why does mommy have to deflate it when Ms. Jane next door just comes over every day to blow it back up?"

Last night my wife wanted to have sex in the backseat of the car

And she wanted me to drive

My scientist wife decided to test the hypothesis that more sex would improve our marriage. It's already been a week, and I've concluded...

that I'm in the control group.

Beer

This morning I was in luck and was able to buy two boxes of "Bud Light" cheap.

I placed the boxes on the front seat and headed back home. I stopped at a service station where a drop-dead gorgeous blonde in a short skirt was filling up her car at the next pump.

She glanced at the two boxes of beer, bent over and leaned in my passenger window, and said in a sexy voice, "I'm a big believer in barter, handsome. Would you be interested in trading sex for beer?"

I thought for a few seconds and asked, "What kind of beer 'ya got?"

a welsh man was asked if he would have sex with a sheep for 1000$

the welsh man said "sure but under three conditions."

first, the sheep shouldn't have any diseases obviously

secondly, I don't want anyone i know to hear about this

and finally, give me a week to gather the 1000 dollars for you

Alabama is canceling home schooling.

Apparently too many teachers were having sex with the students.

Remember, if you smoke after sex

you’re doing it too fast.

I used to be a phone sex operator...

But I got hearing aids.

My neighbors started makes sex videos.

They just don't know it yet.

A robber breaks into a house where two people are just finishing having sex.

The robber ties the man and woman up. He starts looking around the room for valubles. When he doesn't find any, the robber asks the man

"Where's the good stuff!"

The man replies, "I'll tell you, just untie her and let her go."

Robber: "you love your wife that much huh?"

The man: "No, that's my neighbors wife, mine's on her way home!"

My therapist told me that I have trouble interpreting social cues.

I think she wants to have sex with me.

My buddy told me he always cries after sex.....

I told him it was his fault for getting sent to prison in the first place

"I'm all up for sex with handcuffs..."

"...I just think a little warning would have been nice, Officer."

Sex is like Chess

Every move you can think of already got a name

By legalizing Cannabis and same-sex marriage we finally interpreted the bible correctly:

"A man who lays with another man should be stoned."

I heard Bill Cosby made a sex tape....

Twice as strong as duct tape.

What's the worst thing your wife can say during sex?

Honey, I'm home!!