She jokes

Earth can not be flat

Because if it was cats would have pushed everything from the edge

I just realized my phone unlocks whenever I say "Bukkake"

I guess I had facial recognition turned on

What does a gun and a pack of gum have in common?

Everyone suddenly wants to be your friend when you take it out at school.

The world’s biggest gender reveal party happened way back in 1945

When Japan found out the US had a Little Boy

What did one orphan say to the other?

Robin, get in the batmobile!

My daughter has gotten to the age where she asks me embarrassing questions about sex

Just this morning she asked me "Is that the best you can do?"

Grandpa joke: What becomes shorter when you add 2 letters?

Short

What happens when a duck bends over?

You can see its butt quack.

What do you call a sleepwalking nun?

A roam'n catholic

Did you hear about the stage production called “Dictionary”?

It’s a play on words.

Our local auctioneer has passed away.

He was somewhere around 30? 35? 35? 40.

How many cops does it take to push a black man down the stairs?

None, he fell.

Did you hear about the man who went to the psychiatrist's office wearing nothing but plastic wrap?

The psychiatrist said "this won't take long, I can clearly see your nuts"

Why don’t you ever see any Transgender parents?

Because they’re Trans-Parent.

A judge asked Shakira if she commited tax fraud.

Shakira: "Of course not your Honor."

Shakiras Hips:"Of course we did your Honor."

A dad is sitting on the couch in his living room

He hears his son start walking down the stairs and then loud banging and rumbling

Dad: Son what happened?

Son: it’s nothing i just dropped my shirt down the stairs

Dad: it sounded a lot heavier than a shirt

Son: yeah it’s because i was wearing it

My girlfriend dissapeared when she got a virus on her computer one day and never came back.

I guess she Ransomware..

A man is about to commit suicide my jumping of the roof of his house

(Yoda pops up for suicide rescue)

Yoda:- Jump..

(Man falls to his death)

Yoda:- you must not...

There are three men, Nobody, No-one and Stupid.

They were on a fishing trip in Canada when the first fell in the river, and began to drown, as he had never learned to swim as a child.

The second stayed behind to help rescue him from the river.

The third ran to the nearest police station and explained the situation to the first police officer he saw.

"Officer! Come quickly, Nobody is drowning in the river and No-one is helping him!"

"Are you stupid?" Asked the officer

"I am, yes, nice to meet you."

What do you call an orgy with 8 women?

Octopus.