She jokes

Hey, are you suicide? Because I want to do you!

A man comes to a carpet store and says:

“I need a rug.”

“Why so gloomy, pal? Are you going to wrap a body in it, eh?”

“I need two rugs.”

Why are orphans so bad at dodgeball? Because no one misses them.

Cop on horse says to little girl on bike, "Did Santa get you that?"

"Yes," replies the little girl.

"Well tell him to put a reflector light on it next year!" and fines her $5.

The little girl looks up at the cop and says, "Nice horse you've got there, did Santa bring you that?"

The cop chuckles and replies, "He sure did!"

"Well," says the little girl, "Next year tell Santa that the d*ck goes under the horse, not on top of it!"

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What do Jesus and floppy discs have in common?

They died to become the icon of saving.

Who rings a doorbell three times? Indiends aring aging aging

What size soda does Kim Jong-Un buy at 7-11?

A supreme liter.

What is Neil Armstrong's favorite key on the keyboard?

The SPACE BAR of course!!!!

My ten year old came up with that doozy :)

My 28yo wife asked me how old does she look

Apparently, 42 is not the answer to everything

What's the difference between the Titanic and Kim Kardashian?

The number of people who rode the Titanic is known.