Shoes jokes

How does Hitler tie his shoes?

In little knotsies

What are a kidnapper’s favorite shoes?

White Vans

I went for a job interview today to work for a blacksmith

He asked if I had any experience in shoeing a horse?

I said ”No! But I once told a donkey to fuck off!”

What do Germans use to clean their shoes?

Polish.

I recently bought some shoes from a drug dealer.

I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day.

So there was a monk...

This particular monk could only eat garlic for his religious diet, which made him EXTREMELY weak, and also gave him bad breath. Also, like most other monks he wore no shoes, which gave him many callouses. This made him a "super calloused fragile mystic hexed with halitosis."

There are some sounds that everyone loves:

- Shoes on gravel - Crackling of fire - The snapping necks of those who think they can disrespect you - Cats purring

The village blacksmith was glad to have finally found an apprentice that did not mind the long hours and was willing to work hard.

He instructed the boy, “When I take the shoe out of the fire, I’ll lay it on the anvil; and when I nod my head, you hit it with this hammer.”The apprentice did just as he was told.

And now he’s the village blacksmith.

I just killed a huge spider crawling along the floor with my shoe...

I don’t care how big a spider is, no-one steals my shoe...

The next time you make fun of a ginger, put yourself in their shoes.

You'll know how bad it hurts to not have a sole.

If the bigger your shoes, the bigger your dick, and the bigger your car, the smaller your dick...

...then no wonder so many people are afraid of clowns.

A close call.

Yesterday I was walking on the streets in my hometown Rotterdam, in the Netherlands. I was about to go to the grocery store when I saw a black man running with a TV. I was afraid of it being mine, so I ran home as quick as possible, but luckily mine was still there, polishing my shoes.

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes.

That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.

Was walking home the other night and noticed a black guy carrying a TV. Looked just like mine...

So, in fear it had been stolen, I ran home to check. To my relief, mine was still there, polishing my shoes.

So I took off her shirt. Then she said, "Take off my skirt." I took off her skirt. "Take off my shoes." I took off her shoes. "Now take off my bra and panties." and so I took them off.

Then she looked at me and said, "I don't want to catch you wearing my things ever again."