Operation successful
An older gentleman was on the operating table awaiting a complicated surgery on him and.....
he insisted that his son-in-law, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation.
As he was about to get the anaesthesia, he spoke to his son-in-law.
'Yes, Dad, what is it?'
'Don't be nervous son; do your best and just remember, if something happens to me.........
........your mother in law will come and live with you.'
The surgery was a great success....
I told my son to stop playing russian roulette
But you know how it is with these kids; In one ear, out the other.
father:how are your grades son?
son: underwater, dad
father: underwater? what do you mean?
son:they're below C level
A dad says to his son “Ten times two and eleven times two equal the same number”
The son says it’s wrong
The dad asks “what’s ten times two?”
The son replies “Twenty”
Then the dad says “And eleven times two is twenty too!”
Today my son told me he wanted to go help blind people after school...
The verb, not the adjective.
My girlfriend's parents called me a disgusting creep just because I am 36 and she is 24
What a horrible thing to say on our son's 10th birthday party.
A boy is watching TV with his father when a sex scene comes on.
"Well son, time for bed," the father says. "But dad, I'm 16 now!" the son complains. The father replies, "I don't care how old you are, you're not watching me masturbate."
I became a proud dad today!
Well my son is 4.. But he was a boring little cunt for the first 3 years.
My wife recently became a crossing guard at our sons school.
She hates when I ask how the child trafficking is going.
I was horrified when my wife told me that my six-year-old son wasn't actually mine
Apparently I need to pay more attention during school pick-up.
Whats red, looks like a bucket, shaped like a bucket and holds water?
A red bucket.
Whats blue, looks like a bucket, shaped like a bucket and holds water?
A red bucket in disguise.
My 8 year old son...the comedian.
A father bought a lie detector which hit people when they lied.
His young son said, “I have no naughty books!”
The machine quickly hit him.
His father saw that and scolded his son, “When I was your age, I didn’t have such books!”
The machine quickly hit him.
The mother saw what happened and laughed and said, “Oh, you are truly father and son!”
The machine quickly hit her.
2 year old son spits on the floor.
Wife: We don't spit. If it's in your mouth you swallow it. Husband raises eyebrows. Wife: You shut up!
A man went to confess to the priest
"Father, I've stolen someone's dog. But I don't want it now. Can I give it to you?"
"No, son, I don't want it. You should return the dog to the owner."
"I did. But he said he doesn't want it."
"Well...Then I think you should keep the dog."
That night, the priest went back home and found his precious dog stolen.
(Translated from Chinese)
A Jewish Black kid walks up to his dad and asks if he is more Black than Jewish.
"Why son?" The dad asks. "Because there is a kid at school selling his bike for $50 and I was wondering if I should talk him down to $30 or just steal it."
Wife was cleaning 12 year old son's bedroom
When she finds a load of serious bondage gear and fetish mags. She asks her husband "what should we do?"
Her husband says "I'm no expert, but i wouldn't fucking spank him".
I built a model of Mount Everest and my son asked, “Is it to scale?” I replied, “No."
“It’s to look at.”