Father’s Day Presents..
5 year old son.....after reading story of a king.....
Son:......Mom, I also want 3 wives.....one will cook, one will sing, one will bathe me.......
Mom:....And which one will put you to sleep
Son:..No mom, i will still sleep with you....Mom's eyes filled up with tears ... God bless you son
Mom:...but who will sleep with your 3 wives
Son:....Let them sleep with daddy...
Daddy's eyes filled up with tears... God bless you son !
*Happy Father’s Day!*
I'm 27, my BF is 37. Is 10 years too much of an age gap?
'cause his son is 17 and really hot.
Father: Son, i donated your toys to the Orphanage.
Son: Why did you do that? Father : So you don't get bored there
Why was Icarus afraid of Oedipus?
Because he was the motherfucking son.
My son said "Dad, does wanking give you muscles?"
I replied "I'm not sure son, but don't stop, I'm about to cum."
Mom: Son, why dont you talk to Mark anymore? You used to be best friends.
Son: Well would you talk to someone who is stupid, uses drugs and is an alchocolic? Mom: Of course not. Son: Well neither would he.
My wife and I have been arguing about whether we want kids
Our son is taking it really hard
My son just told me he joined the Army. I asked him why and proudly, he said he joined up to kill people.
He's a terrible nurse.
Jesus to the Jews:
I am the son of God.
Jews: No way...
Jesus: Yahweh.
Little Johnny, the magician's son
"What's your father's occupation?" asked the schoolteacher.
"He's a magician, ma'am," said Little Johnny.
"How interesting. What's his favorite trick?" asked the teacher.
"He saws people in half," answered Little Johnny.
"Wow! That must be amazing to watch," said the teacher. "Do you have any brothers or sisters?"
And Little Johnny said, "One half brother and two half sisters."
My son is a boy trapped in a womans body
He's coming out in 6 months
As we were walking down the driveway with the cans, I asked my son, "Did you know there’s no official training for garbage men?" Rolling his eyes, he responded, "No, no I didn't." I continued...
"Seriously, they just pick it up as they go along!"
I'm going to name my son Awesome...
...so whenever he sleeps with someone, they are fucking Awesome.
A six year old boy goes to work with his father on a bring your kid to work day.
After about 30 minutes of arriving the kid starts crying loudly, the whole office gathers around.
The father asks his kid “what’s the matter son?”
The kid replies “where are all the clowns that you say you work with?”
“Dad, have you seen my sun glasses?”
No son, have you seen my dad glasses?
Oh deer...
One even, husband came home from a day of hunting and brought home a deer. He suggested to his wife that she should cook the deer meat but don't tell the kids what's for dinner. Wife agrees and cooks the deer meat.
Later that evening the husband, wife and the kids, all gather at the table for dinner...
Son - "mmmm smells good ma., what is it?"
Wife - "I'll give you a hint. It's what I call your father all the time."
Daughter - "SPIT IT OUT BILLY., IT'S AN ASSHOLE!!!"
A son went up to his dad and said “What is an alcoholic?”
The Dad said “You see those four trees over there? Well an alcoholic would see eight. Then the son said “But I only see two.”
What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for work?
Bison
My two year-old son told his first joke today. Afterwards, he burst out laughing for about 5 minutes straight saying 'I'm so funny' over and over again.
The joke. Son comes in carrying a soft toy, a cow.
Son: "Mummy Mummy cow is being noisy!"
Mummy: "How is cow being nois---"
Son: "Moooooooo!!!!" Then bursts into loud laughter.
Love this kid!
Son: Dad, I have an imaginary girlfriend.
Dad: You know, you could do better.
Son: Thanks Dad, that means a lot.
Dad: I was talking to your girlfriend.