Stock jokes

Where does 007 invest his money?

Bonds. Stocks and bonds.

What’s considered trashy if you're poor, but classy if you're rich?

Manipulating the stock market

My local library refuses to stock how-to books about suicide.

They used to, but the decent ones were never returned.

What do you call cows that have a sense of humor?

Laughing stock.

Apple's stock surges on announcement of two-child policy change in China

What do you call a bunch of hedge funds that already lost $70 B shorting stocks?

A good start. HOLD the LINE.

My kid is an amputee. For xmas I got her a new prosthetic leg.

It's just a stocking filler

I am a stock broker

I am broke after investing in stocks

Darth Vader walks into his local record shop and asks for a copy of George Michael's debut solo album

The guy behind the counter says "I'm sorry, it's out of stock."

Darth Vader shakes his head and says "I find your lack of Faith disturbing..."

I’ve recently started investing in stocks

I hope this leads to me finally becoming a bouillonaire someday.