Stocks jokes

Money

Money

Where does 007 invest his money?

Bonds. Stocks and bonds.

Wealth

Wealth

What’s considered trashy if you're poor, but classy if you're rich?

Manipulating the stock market

Library

Library

My local library refuses to stock how-to books about suicide.

They used to, but the decent ones were never returned.

Cow

Cow

What do you call cows that have a sense of humor?

Laughing stock.

Stock

Stock

Apple's stock surges on announcement of two-child policy change in China

Stock

Stock

What do you call a bunch of hedge funds that already lost $70 B shorting stocks?

A good start. HOLD the LINE.

Kid

Kid

My kid is an amputee. For xmas I got her a new prosthetic leg.

It's just a stocking filler

Stock

Stock

I am a stock broker

I am broke after investing in stocks

Darth Vader

Darth Vader

Darth Vader walks into his local record shop and asks for a copy of George Michael's debut solo album

The guy behind the counter says "I'm sorry, it's out of stock."

Darth Vader shakes his head and says "I find your lack of Faith disturbing..."

Stock

Stock

I’ve recently started investing in stocks

I hope this leads to me finally becoming a bouillonaire someday.