A woman says to her engineer husband...
"Could you please go to the store for me and buy a carton of milk. And if they have eggs, get six."
A short time later the husband comes back with six cartons of milk. The wife asks, "Why the heck did you buy six cartons of milk?"
"They had eggs."
It takes 7 seconds for food to pass from mouth to stomach!
A human hair can hold 3kg.
The length of the penis is three times the length of the thumb.
The femur is as hard as concrete.
A woman's heart beats faster than a man's.
Women blink twice as much as men.
We use 300 muscle's just to keep our balance when we stand.
The woman has read this entire text.
The man is still looking at his thumb.
I asked a train engineer how many times he had derailed.
He said
"I don't know it's hard to keep track."
This one time, I cried, when my dad chopped up Onions.
I loved Onions, she was such a nice, sweet, little puppy
The first time I had sex with my girlfriend, all I could think of was my late wife.
I thought, “This’ll teach her for being late.”
Dirty Blonde
A blonde walks into a dry cleaners and tells the woman at the counter, "I need to have an outfit washed."
The clerk was busy and slightly distracted, so she looked up from her work and said, "Come again?"
The blonde said, "No, it's toothpaste this time."
A time traveler has traveled back in time to the year 1963.
However, he does not know the exact date. He sees a CIA agent nearby and asks him: "Is today before or after the JF-"
"Before"
I don't understand why incels are so upset all the time.
Seriously, they're mad about fucking nothing.
A boy is watching TV with his father when a sex scene comes on.
"Well son, time for bed," the father says. "But dad, I'm 16 now!" the son complains. The father replies, "I don't care how old you are, you're not watching me masturbate."
What did one lesbian vampire say to the other?
Same time next month (with finger guns)
A farmer has three daughters who are all going on dates tonight. The doorbell rings and the farmer answers it. The boy says 'Hello I'm Joe, I'm here for Flo. We are going to see a show. Is she ready to go?' so Flo leaves with Joe. The doorbell rings again and the boy says 'Hello I'm Eddy, I'm here for Betty. We are going to eat spaghetti. Is she ready?' so Betty leaves with Eddy. The doorbell rings a third time and the boy says 'Hello I'm Chuck....'. The farmer promptly shot him.
Can we ban "Yo Momma" jokes from this sub? They're old, stupid, and have been done by literally everyone hundreds of times
Just like yo mama
I was sitting on the toilet, exhausted, and late for work.
I thought, “I don’t have time for this shit.”
Most people are assholes. Don't believe me?
Next time you see a group of people, yell out "hey, asshole!"
All of them will turn and look.
A guy wanks into a bar.
He sees two stunningly beautiful blondes and says,
"Hey, barman, two beers for the ladies."
One of the ladies turns to the guy and asks.
"I think you're wasting your time, sir. We're lesbians."
"What's that?" asks the guy.
"It means we only like to have sex with women" the girl responds.
To which the guy retorts: "Hey barman, three beers for us lesbians."
Albert Einstein was running 20 minutes late as a guest speaker at a science conference.
He finally arrived apologizing profusely.
Einstein: "I am so terribly sorry you all had to wait. Anyway, here's my presentation."
Host: "It's about time."
Einstein: "And space!"
NSFW Nearly humped a ladyboy
In Thailand and man it was so close, she looked like a lady, walked like a lady, talked like a lady, kissed like a lady.. It was only when she drove me home and reversed perfectly into my drive 1st time, I thought to myself, "hang on a fuckin minute"!
Hear about the time Mohammed's wife called him a pedophile?
Mohammed responded "Pedophile is a pretty big word for a 9 year old!"
A young artist exhibits his work for the first time..
.. and a well known art critic is in attendance.
The critic says to the young artist, "would you like my opinion on your work?"
"Yes, sure. I would love to here it. " says the artist.
"It's worthless," says the critic
The artist replies, "I know, but tell me anyway."
What did Piccolo say to Frieza?
Find out next time on Dragon Ball Z.