Types jokes

Husband and wife

A husband and wife were setting a password for their joint twitter account.

The husband types 'My Penis'

The wife dies laughing on the floor when it says 'Not long enough'

They say that the 10 types of people in this world are those that can read binary and those that get laid.

Can someone explain to me the other 8 types?

They say certain types of people can resist a good click bait.

Apparently you aren’t one of them.

So I did some research...

and Chinese people like listening to music on their phones with earbuds, black people like portable speakers, Mexicans prefer cheaper systems in their home with big speakers and white people like higher end but compact systems...

Sorry, I guess I shouldn't be discussing racial stereo types.

I accidentally typed my symptoms into IMDB instead of WebMD

and found out I have Gary Busey

What's Stephen Hawking's favorite type of comedy? Stand-up.

What type of clothing does Trump have a secret collection of?

Russian ties.

Doctor, how can I live 100 years?

Man: Doctor, how can I live to be 100 years old?

Doctor: Well, do you smoke cigarettes or do any type of drugs?

Man: Nope

Doctor: Do you eat a lot of junk food?

Man: Nope

Doctor: Do you sleep around without using protection?

Man: Nope

Doctor: Then why the hell do you want to live to be 100 years old?

What type of flour do you buy an orphan? Self-raising.

My ex got into a bad accident recently. I told the doctors the wrong blood type. Now she will really know what rejection feels like.

My cousin died last week; he needed a blood transfusion, but we didn't know his blood type. He just kept saying, "B positive, B positive," but it's hard to be positive with him gone.

A monk, priest, and rabbit walk into a blood bank...

The rabbit turns to the other two and says, “I think I’m a type-O.”

There are two types of people in this world: those that pee in the shower

And fucking liars.

There are 10 types of people in this world

Those who thought they knew what the punchline would be, and those who are now searching for the original joke.

If Trump and Hillary are both drowning and you could only save one...

What type of sandwich would you make?

An elderly man is having trouble keeping his balance on the bus

His cane is slipping on the floor. On every turn of the bus, he loses his balance and barely escapes danger of falling. So he starts looking around if someone will give him their seat.

A sitting rebellious type youngster patronizes him: "Hey old man, if you put some rubber on the tip of your cane, you wouldn't have this much trouble."

The old man replies: "Boy, I would be sitting down on this bus if only your father put on that rubber"

What’s Whitney Houston’s favourite type of coordination?

HAAAAND EEEEEEEEEYYYYEEE!

My dad died recently.

He was in an accident and lost a lot of blood but nobody knew his blood-type.

I’ll never forget his inspirational last words,

“Be positive”.

In Ancient Rome there were 4 types of poison...

Poison I, II, III, would all kill you with varying degrees of pain. However poison IV would make you really itchy.

If I got $1 every time a woman said I was't her type,

I'd be her type.