Vegetable jokes

What is the hardest thing to chew while eating a vegetable?

The wheelchair

Did you hear about the cannibal who visited the ICU ward?

His doctor told him to eat more vegetables.

What do you get when you mix a broccoli and a melon?

The saddest vegetable known to man: A Melonccoli.

I got fired from my last job for arranging the vegetables into sexual position

Apparently that's "misconduct" for a special needs teacher.

What did the preacher say at the vegetable mass?

“Lettuce pray for peas on Earth.”

Then

“Why do I bother with puns, everyone here’s brain dead.”

My autistic brother just told me this one lmao.

Him: What's the most autistic vegetable?

Me: What?

Him: ice-sperg lettuce!

What's Michelle Obama's favourite vegetable

Barackoli

As a vegan, I think people who sell meat are disgusting.

But apparently people who sell fruit and veg are grocer.

My wife asked me to buy organic vegetables from the market, so I went and looked around and couldn’t find any. I grabbed an old, tired looking employee and asked, “These vegetables are for my wife. Have they been sprayed with any poisonous chemicals?”

The produce guy looked at me and said, “No. You’ll have to do that yourself.”