3 guys bet on who can make their wife scream more from sex
They make the bet and decide to all go home and have sex with their wives and compare results the next day.
Next day comes along and they meet to discuss. Guy #1 says “I fucked my wife so hard, she was screaming for like 20 minutes.”
Guy #2 says “that’s nothing. I fucked my wife with a dildo in her ass at the same time and she was screaming for an hour!”
Guy #3 says “amateurs! I fucked my wife for 15 seconds, came on the curtains, and she’s still screaming at me!”
Oh my goodness. First my wife is in hospital, and now my daughter!
Then again...
I guess that's just how childbirth works.
I call my wife Bambi. She thinks it's because she is so cute, with big brown eyes.
Actually, it's because I would like someone to shoot her mother, with a hunting rifle.
During an argument with my wife, she dropped the old "why did you even marry me?" line.
Apparently "Your sister was already taken" was not the right answer.
My wife said if this post gets 100 upvotes, she’ll lose her anal virginity tonight.
Please don’t upvote, she’s on a business trip until next week.
A man walks into the bedroom to see his wife packing
"What are you doing?" He asked.
"I'm off to New York," she replies. "I hear prostitutes get paid $400 doing what I do to you for free."
The husband begins packing his bags.
"What are you doing?" asked the wife.
"I'm coming with you," he said. "I wanna see how you live off $800 a year."
My wife purchased a world map and then gave me a dart and said, “Throw this and wherever it lands—that’s where I’m taking you when this pandemic ends.”
Turns out, we’re spending two weeks behind the fridge.
A man walks in on his wife cheating on him with his best friend, so he heads to the bar to drown his sorrows.
He walks up to the bar and the bartender notices hes upset so he asks "why the long face?"
"I just caught my wife having sex with my best friend," says the guy.
To which the bartender replies, "thats terrible! What did you say to your wife when you caught her?"
"I told her to pack her stuff and get out of my house immediately."
"Well what did you say to your best friend," asks the bartender.
"Bad boy"
I finally married my Korean wife whom I met in a penpal site few years ago..
She's my Seoul mate.
When it's hot, my wife really likes us to blow on each other to help keep cool, but I'll be honest...
I'm not a fan.
Wife: Why do you go out in the balcony, when I start singing.
Husband: Because the people would think I am beating you.
My wife left me because I bought the new Nintendo, but I'm not even upset...
...it was time for a Switch.
Called an old school friend, asked what was he doing nowadays...
He replied that he is working on "aqua-thermal treatment of ceramics, aluminium, and steel under a constrained environment"
As always, I was impressed...
On further enquiring I learnt that he was washing dishes with hot water under his wife's supervision.
If a man opens the car door for his wife
You can be sure of one thing — either the car is new or the wife is.
I asked my wife if i was the only one she's been with.
She said, "Yes, the others were at least sevens or eights".
My wife called me from her work today and said, "Three of the girls in my office just got some flowers for the holidays. They're absolutely gorgeous!" I muttered...
"That's probably why they got flowers then..."
A proud father has six children.
He always calls his wife "Mother of Six," to her displeasure.
One night at a party, he yells across the room, "Mother of six, we're leaving now."
She replies, "Be right with you, father of four."
My wife just nudged me and said, "You weren't even listening, were you?"
I thought, that's a strange way to start a conversation.
My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion
and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.
I asked her, "Do you know him?"
"Yes", she sighed,
"He's my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since."
"My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"
If Joe Biden’s wife is called the first lady, what do we call his mother?
Joe mama.
