A Priest needs to go to the bathroom and asks for a Nun to hear the confessions for a while
A Priest needs to go to the bathroom and asks for a Nun to hear the confessions while he is out. The first person to arrive it's a gorgeous woman, who says:
-Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. I had anal sex with some random guy in a bar.
The nun, shocked doesn't know what Penance to give to the Lady, but an altar boy was passing by so she asks him:
-What does the Priest give to people for anal sex?
-Usually a hamburger and a coke.
Found 4 fox cubs
I called the ISPCA today and said, "I've just found a suitcase in the woods containing a fox and four cubs."
"That's terrible," the woman on the phone replied. "Are they moving?"
"I'm not sure, to be honest," I said, "But that would explain the suitcase."
Six topless women sounds nice
Dozen Tit??
When i was younger i felt like a man trapped inside woman’s body.
Then i was born
Woman has a sore throat and asks for help
So a woman has a sore throat and asks for help from her coworker.
The coworker says "I have the best cure! Every time my throat hurts I just give my husband a blowjob and it heals"
The next day the woman goes to work with her sore throat healed.
Coworker asks "Did it work"
Woman says "Yes! And your husband couldn't believe that this was your idea!".
What's the difference between OP and a Pregnant woman?
She delivers.
Dead Again
During a funeral, the pallbearers accidentally bump into a wall and hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find out that the woman is actually alive.
She lives for 10 more years and then dies. There is another funeral for her. At the end of the service, the pallbearers carry out the casket.
As they are walking out, the husband cries out, "Watch out for the wall!"
How is a woman like a condom?
They both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick!
Statistics is like a bikini on a beautiful woman...
... what it reveals is exciting; what it hides is vital.
My tinder date invited me back to her house tonight, and while she was in the bathroom, I had a cheeky look in her wardrobe. Inside, there was a nurse outfit, a police woman's uniform and a full dominatrix bodysuit, so I quickly pulled on my pants and snuck out of there.
I don't want a girlfriend who can't hold down a job.
I like my women like I like my wine
Eight years old and locked up in a cellar
Q: How much calcium is in a woman's breast?
A: Enough to make a bone grow big and hard!
A woman is taken to court...
The judge asks, "What were you charged for?"
The women replied, "Doing my Christmas shopping too early."
When the judge asked her how early, she said, "Before the store opened."
A woman in labor suddenly shouted, "Shouldn't! Wouldn't! Couldn't! Didn't! Can't!"
"Don't worry," said the doc. "those are just contractions."
A woman approaches me as I'm playing my guitar. "Excuse me, is that a Squier Stratocaster?" I may have overreacted when I responded:
"DID YOU JUST ASSUME MY FENDER?!"
A guard asks a woman on death row what she’d like for her final meal.
“idk, what do you want?”
What's easier to pick up the heavier it gets?
A Woman
For a good time go bowling
A woman was having sex with her husbands best friend when her phone rang and her husband's name appeared on the ID. As she answered the call, her lover jumped out of bed and began to dress in a hurry. "relax" she said after she hung up the phone. He was just calling to tell me that he'd be home late because he's out bowling with you.
I just went on a date with a woman in a wheelchair
I stood her up, which made her fall for me. At first it was a drag, but now we’re rolling. ~ Michael Kosta
Pigeon Droppings
An old couple is on a walk, when a pigeon flies by and deposits a poopy little present on the woman's head.
"Yuck!" yells the woman. "Get some toilet paper."
"What for?" replies the man. "He must be half-a-mile away by now."
