Word jokes

When receiving payment in gold coins, pirates used to verify their purity by biting into them

In other word, criminals only accepting payment in bit coins goes long way back

What’s the most terrifying word in nuclear physics?

"Oops"

I once went on a business trip to china, while there I ordered myself a prostitute. Half way though she was screaming in delight “meee how” meeee hooow” and I thought to myself “she’s loving this”

Just the next day out golfing with a few clients when I hit a ball from the edge of the green to roll on the hole perfectly, of course I couldn’t speak mandarin so I screamed the only happy words I knew “Mee how” “meeeeehow”, whilst celebration one of my colleges comes over and says “no you’ve got the right hole”

There is now a bipartisan push to legalize medical marijuana to relieve arthiritis.

In other words, there is joint support for joint support for joint support.

Thank you to my first grade teacher for explaining the word "many" to me.

It means a lot.

Interviewer - Okay, describe yourself in 3 words

Lazy

‌‌I j‌‌ust d‌‌iscovered t‌‌hat t‌‌he w‌‌ord “‌‌nothing” i‌‌s a‌‌ p‌‌alindrome...

Backwards i‌‌t s‌‌pells “‌‌gnihton”, w‌‌hich a‌‌lso m‌‌eans n‌‌othing.

I will never forget my daughter's first words.

Where have you been for the last 12 years?

My wife asked me to get a Vladimir Putin tattoo.

When I got home she asked me about it excitedly.

I pulled down my trousers and showed her my crotch, where the word "Gigawatt" had been tattooed on my penis.

"What the fuck is that?" she yelled.

I said, "It's a prick with too much power."

Three boys are in the schoolyard bragging about their fathers

The first boy says, “My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, they give him $50.”

The second boy says, “That’s nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on piece of paper, he calls it a song, they give him $100.”

The third boy says, “I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon, and it takes eight people to collect all the money!”

Ever wonder how a Jehovah’s Witness spreads their word during Covid?

Now that you’re here, do you have a moment to talk about our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ?

I have always thought that the second letter in the word “Hive” is quite beautiful, after all .....

Beauty is in the I of the bee holder.

What do you get when you spell the word "man" backwards

Flashbacks

Genie: You have two wishes left

Me: I wish the letter G was the letter P instead

Penie: And your final wish?

Me: I wish that every E at the end of a word was an S instead

Penis:

Ms: Nics

Prison may be just one word

But for some people it's a whole sentence

To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you...

You have my Word.

My mother has a thick Russian accent...

... and as such it makes some of her words and phrases sound odd.

For instance "want" sounds like "vant."

Or take "talk..." it sounds like "tak"

The best example is when she tries to say "I love you" and it comes out sounding like "you're a fucking disappointment."

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."

Hear about the time Mohammed's wife called him a pedophile?

Mohammed responded "Pedophile is a pretty big word for a 9 year old!"

My dad died recently.

He was in an accident and lost a lot of blood but nobody knew his blood-type.

I’ll never forget his inspirational last words,

“Be positive”.