Word jokes

Did you see the Broadway musical about the dictionary?

It's a play on words.

Pablo Escobar was being informed on by local children. Mortally wounded by police gunfire, his last words to them were

I would have gotten away with it if it weren't for you Medellín kids

My friends tell me I need to start using the N-word more often

They say I'm too much of a yes man

Old German joke

An eight-year old boy had never spoken a word. One afternoon, as he sat eating his lunch he turned to his mother and said, “The soup is cold."

His astonished mother exclaimed, “Son, I’ve waited so long to hear you speak. But all these years you never said a thing. Why haven’t you spoken before?"

The boy looked at her and replied, “Up until now, everything has been satisfactory."

Enough is Enough!

No like seriously they're the same word.

Don't be ashamed of you don't know the definition of the word 'esoteric'

Only a small number of people are likely to understand.

The CIA, FBI, and the KGB are tasked with finding a rabbit in a forest...

The CIA show up after a few days and release a 6000 word article on the fact that rabbits don't exist.

The FBI show up with a dead rabbit and say in a press release "The rabbit had it coming."

The KGB show up with a bruised and beaten bear. The bear is forced to make a statement "I am a rabbit, my father was a rabbit, and my mother is a rabbit. My whole family are rabbits!" the bear disappears shortly after...

Did you hear about the stage production called “Dictionary”?

It’s a play on words.

Sometimes I use big words

that I don't quite understand in an effort to make myself sound more photosynthesis

I found a pen that writes underwater

It writes other words too

After my proctology exam I was left alone in the exam room for a few minutes. Then the nurse came in and whispered three words no man ever wants to hear.

"Who was that?"

Words can't describe how beautiful someone is...

But numbers can. 4/10

Wanna hear some famous last words? "We are just experiencing some turbulence."

What were Stephen Hawking's last words? The Windows XP log-out sound.

I remember my grandfather's last words: "Is that loaded?"

I will always remember my grandpa's last words: "Stop shaking the ladder, you clown!"

For April fools my girlfriend replaced my alphabits with Cheerios.

I have no words to say how angry I am.

Why did the scared cow say "Moo?"

Because it's a cow word.

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I thought of this today, did I make a new joke?

A drunk staggers into a church one evening, goes into the confessional box and sits down. He doesn't say a word.

The priest coughs to try and get his attention. There's no response so the priest coughs again. There's still no response from the drunk.

The priest coughs a couple of more times and still doesn't get any response, so finally he pounds on the wall.

The drunk slurs, "There's no use knocking. There's no paper this side either."

A philosopher, a linguist, and a physicist were asked, "Which of your three fields is the most useful?"

The philosopher said, "What do we mean when we use the word 'useful'?"

The linguist said, "What do *you* mean when you use the word 'useful'?"

The physicist laughed and said, "The answer can be inferred by the uselessness of the other answers."