A judge in Soviet Russia walks out of a courtroom giggling to himself.
Another judge stops him and asks what's so funny.
"Oh man, I just heard this joke about Comrade Stalin in my courtroom."
"I wan't to hear it" says the second judge.
The first judge says, "No way, I just gave someone 25 years in the gulag for it."
My neighbor came pounding on my front door at 2am last night
lucky for him, I was up practicing my bag pipes.
Friend: I got kicked out of math class today.
Me: Why? Friend: Turns out mouthwash doesn't come after 69.
The worst part about working at the unemployment office?
When you get fired, you still have to show up the next day.
The US should make DC, Guam, and PR states.
53 is a prime number.
Then we would truly be 1 nation, indivisible.
I went to the beekeeper to get 12 bees.
He counted and gave me 13.
“Sir, you gave me an extra”, I said.
“That’s a freebie.”
Never marry a tennis player
Love means nothing to them
They all laughed when I said I wanted to be a comedian.
Well, they're not laughing now! Wait...
Here's some advice for all men
If you get a boner in public, point up at the sky and shout "OH FUCK LOOK OVER THERE!" It's all about the missed erection
A gamer dies and goes to hell...
After one week, the devil goes to God:
\- God?! What crazy person have you send me here? He destroyed all the cauldrons, killed all demons, running like crazy everywhere and yelling: "Where is the exit to LEVEL 2!!!"
There's plenty of jobs in the porn industry when you have a cock like mine.
Camera man, light and sound technician, make up artist, or even production manager.
For his birthday, I got my son an alarm clock that swears at him instead of beeping.
He’s in for a rude awakening.
Little Johnny is always being teased by the other neighborhood boys for being stupid. Their favorite joke is to offer Johnny his choice between a nickel and a dime Little Johnny always takes the nickel. One day, after Johnny takes the nickel, a neighbor takes him aside and says, "Johnny, those boys are making fun of you. Don't you know that a dime is worth more than a nickel, even though the nickel's bigger?" Johnny grins and says, "Well, if I took the dime, they'd stop doing it, and so far I've made $20!
I got a DVD on how to improve your foreplay techniques....
I had to fast forward through all the boring bits in the beginning though.
My marriage counselor asked me to think of something me and my wife have in common....
I said, "Well, we both refuse to suck dick."
A group of introverts is called an oxymoron
Please help me
The entire neighborhood got together to discuss what to do about that crazy guy on our street ...
... I'm a bit annoyed that I was the only one not invited.
So my 6yo tells me a joke
What did one eye say to the other? Between you and me something smells!
For years, my wife and I had sex as soon as we woke up. Sadly, she passed away.
Now I wake up every day with mourning wood.
Where does 007 invest his money?
Bonds. Stocks and bonds.