Jokes

A man just got a car for his wife.

Now, thats what you call a fair trade.

I asked my Roman friend for a high five

Got HIV instead

Why are women so bad at backing up their vehicles?

Because we're constantly lied to about how long 6 inches is.

Batman says to Alfred, “I’m really tired Alfred, it's been an exhausting day, please can you just get the bathtub ready for me?"

Alfred replies, "Master Wayne, what is a htub?"

A hole

There's a hole in the nudist camp wall.

The police are looking into it.

Fun fact

Before the invention of the crow bar most crows got drunk at home

I used to get sad when the leaves fell from the trees...

But then they always grew back, so that was a releaf.

The people that work at my bank are so nice!

Every time they call, they say my loans are outstanding!

Was playing with my balls and then I found my first gray pubic hair, but I kept calm!

Unlike the rest in the elevator..

A man walks into a gym and kills everyone there brutally

After the investigation, the police state that the victims could only be described as ripped and shredded

What’s the difference between science and religion?

Science flies you to the moon while religion flies you into buildings.

What was the snowman doing in the carrot section of the grocery store?

Picking his nose

What did the Russian say when she was turned on?

I am soviet

I took my Biology exam last Friday

I was asked to name two things commonly found in cells. Apparently "Blacks" and "Mexicans" were NOT the correct answers.

There’s a band called 1023MB

They haven’t had any gigs yet

Why is Joseph jealous of Jesus ?

Because Jesus has a second coming while Joseph didn't even get a first.

A guy walks into a bar and sees a bunch of meat hanging on the wall.

He sits down and asks the bartender what the deal is with the meat. Bartender says the deal is if you want a free drink you gotta jump up and touch the meat but if you miss, you buy a round for the bar. The guy takes another look at the meat and the bartender asks if he's in. No, says the guy the steaks are too high.

To the handicapped guy who stole my bag

You can hide but you can't run

I stole a Tom Cruise movie from the store the other day...

It was Risky Business.

An American walks into an English pub and orders a Budweiser.

Barman: Oh, you must be American. American: You can tell from my order and accent, huh? Barman: No, because you're the fattest fuck I've ever seen.