Jokes

Did you hear about the Starbucks no-mask deal? Mask-less customers who buy a Grande hot coffee today...

Will get a free Venti later

What is Forrest Gump's password?

1forrest1

My friend Ty came in first in the Beijing marathon, but he wasn’t given the gold medal.

The Chinese refuse to recognize Ty won.

For a good time go bowling

A woman was having sex with her husbands best friend when her phone rang and her husband's name appeared on the ID. As she answered the call, her lover jumped out of bed and began to dress in a hurry. "relax" she said after she hung up the phone. He was just calling to tell me that he'd be home late because he's out bowling with you.

What's the singular of "Women's Studies?"

Study abroad.

If you only believe in 12.5% of the bible

You're an eighth theist

Teacher: how do you spell ‘crocodile’

Kid: K-R-O-K-I-D-I-A-L.

Teacher: no, that’s wrong.

Kid: no, I’m right. Other people might spell it differently but you asked how I spell it.

I just went on a date with a woman in a wheelchair

I stood her up, which made her fall for me. At first it was a drag, but now we’re rolling. ~ Michael Kosta

I can’t believe it’s been more than 100 years since Einstein first proposed that Time is Relative.

Seems like only yesterday.

Two monkeys entered a bath.

Monkey 1: Oooh oooh oooh aaah aaah aaah

Monkey 2: Calm down, it isn't that hot

Just found an app that tells you which of your family members and friends are racist.

It's called Facebook.

My friend just told me a long boring story about an incestuous relationship.

It was such an auntie climax.

Bill Gates is pulled over by a police officer one night after his car is seen swerving on the highway

The police officer asks, "Have you had anything to drink tonight, sir?"

Bill says, "Absolutely not, officer."

The cop says, "Can you please count backwards from 10 for me?"

• ⁠

Bill replies, "10, 8, 7, Vista, XP, ME, 2000, NT, 98, 95, 3, 2, 1."

A man tried to sell me a coffin today...

I told him, that's the last thing I need.

What's the difference between a well dressed man on a bicycle, and a poorly dressed man on a tricycle?

A tire!

How do you cut the Roman Empire in half?

With a pair of Caesars!

The Rodeo...

So two cowboys are talking about sex and the various positions when one of them mentions "the Rodeo."

So the second cowboy says to him, "I didn't know the Rodeo was a sex position. How do you do that one?"

The first cowboy explains. "So what you do is you penetrate your girl from behind. Then you reach around and grab her boobs, lean over, and whisper in her ear, 'These are almost as big as your sister's.' Then you try and hold on for 30 seconds."

I signed up for Binary 101 this semester and I’m failing in all the exams.

Turns out it is a level 5 course.

I hosted a terrible orgy last weekend

Nobody came

Two Romans were in a bar having a conversation..

Roman 1: you won't believe how many women I've slept with

Roman 2: mmm?

Roman 1: don't be ridiculous, not that many