Arrest jokes

UK police today arrested a man for shooting a starting pistol at someone.

They are treating the offence as race related.

I dont get it

If someone donates 1 kindey, they're hailed a hero, but I donate 5 and get arrested!?

How many police officers does it take to change a light bulb?

They don't. They're too busy arresting the light bulb for being broke and beating the room for being black.

Did you know semen leaves the body at almost thirty miles per hour?

This means it's illegal to ejaculate in a school zone.

I don't think the speed was why I was arrested though.

Why did Soviet policemen always walk around in groups of three?

One could read, and was needed to read ID documents in case of an arrest.

One could write, and was needed to write down the names for punishment.

The third one was needed to keep an eye on these two dangerous intellectuals.

My local drug dealer started dressing up as a Jehovah’s Witness so he wouldn’t arouse suspicion.

He got arrested after the police saw people actually letting him in.

The first joke I made up at age 7 - found in my first grade journal

Q: Where do robbers go to the bathroom

A: Arrest-room

Oh, sure. My friend donates a kidney to the City Hospital, and he's treated like some hero.

I donate five kidneys and I get arrested.

My roommate got in trouble with the police because he had two crows in our apartment as pets.

The cops arrested him for attempted murder.

Police have arrested the World tongue-twister Champion.

I imagine he'll be given a tough sentence.

In my hometown, a barber got arrested for selling drugs.

Blew my mind. I've been his customer for years. I had no idea he was a barber.

After extensive investigations and many phone calls, the police found that, despite the fact that I’m black, I’ve got a good job, no criminal record and I own the BMW I was driving.

So they arrested me for wasting police time.

Don't drive like my brother...

I was driving with my friend. We come to a red light and he speeds up and whips right through it. I start freaking out "Hey man, your going to get us killed!" He replies "Relax, my brother drives like this." We come to another red light and he blazes right through. "You're going to get arrested or get us killed!" "Relax this is how my brother drives." We come to a green light he stops dead looking both ways. "Dude, it's green you can go." "Nah man, my brother might be coming the other way."

Three men were sitting in a prison cell in Moscow in 1937

They discussed why they had been arrested.

"I showed up ten minutes late for work" the first man said "so they arrested me for sabotage"

"I showed up ten minutes early for work" said the second "so they arrested me for espionage"

"I showed up to work on time" said the third "so they arrested me for owning a Western watch"

I got arrested for illegally downloading Wikipedia in its entirety

Before I got arrested I said "wait I can explain everything'

I punched a white man in the face and was arrested for assault..

The next day when I got out, I punched a black man in the face and was arrested for impersonating a police officer.

I just found out my neighborhood barber was arrested for dealing drugs!

I've been his customer for 25 years and I never knew he was a barber.

What is a pdf file

And why is my uncle under arrest for being one

Police arrested two kids yesterday

one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one - and let the other off.

I met two guys wearing matching clothing. So i asked them if they were gay.

They promptly arrested me