Best explanation of Star Wars
The story of an orphaned boy who becomes radicalised after a military strike kills his family. He is indoctrinated into an ancient religion, joins a band of rebel insurgents, and carries out a terrorist attack which kills 300'000 people.
A father asked his 10-year old son if he knew about the birds and the bees...
"I don't want to know," the child said, bursting into tears. "Promise me you won't tell me."
Confused, the father asked what was wrong.
The boy sobbed, "When I was six, I got the 'There's no Easter Bunny' speech. At seven, I got the 'There's no Tooth Fairy' speech. When I was eight, you hit me with the 'There's no Santa' speech.
If you're going to tell me that grown-ups don't really get laid, I'll have nothing left to live for."
What does the word "gay" mean?
Asked a boy to his father, to which he replied, "It means happy, son".
"Are you happy the Dad?" Asked the boy
"No son, I have a wife"
From my nine year old...
He walked up to me tore a piece of paper and walked away, I look at the paper it says "my puns" I ask what that was about, he says " I know... My puns are tear-able"... Thats my boy
Two boys argue over whose parents are better.
The first boy says, "My dad's better than your dad."
The other boy says, "Well, my mom is better than your mom."
The first boy pauses, "I guess you're right. My dad says the same thing."
An employee gets called into his boss’s office...
Boss: “Young man, you have risen very fast in this company. Two years ago, you began as an office boy. In a couple of months, you were a clerk. Then, you became a salesman, after that assistant manager, then manager. Now you are the vice president of the company. What have you to say about all this?"
Employee: "Thanks, Dad".
A boy says to his dad, "Why do they say gardeners have got green fingers when their fingers aren't green?"
His dad replies, "It's just a saying, son. It's like when someone is caught stealing something, they say that they've been caught red-handed', even though their hands are actually black."
A dyslexic boy is on his way home from training with his mam...."Can we stop at McDonald's mam? I'm starving" the boy asks. "If you can spell McDonald's we will stop on the way home ofcourse son" The boy pauses, composes himself and begins "M" "C" He begins to struggle....
"Ah fuck it mam let's have a KCF"
A little girl comes home with $20
And runs straight to her mum
"mummy look! A boy gave me $20 to do a cartwheel while he sat in a tree"
The mum replied
"honey, he's just doing that so he can see your underwear. Don't fall for their tricks!"
The next day the girl comes home with $50
"mummy look! The same boy gave me $50 to do a cartwheel while he sat in a tree"
The mum replied
"didn't i tell you not to! He's just doing that to see your underwear!"
The girl responded
"don't worry mum, i took my underwear off this time"
We were so poor when I was growing up
If I wasn't a boy, I'd have nothing to play with.
Why does everyone assume that just because I’m a 40 year old loser that I live in my parent’s basement?
My parents don’t have a basement. I live in my bedroom like a big boy.
Knock knock
Whose there?
Little boy blue.
Little boy blue who?
Kevin Spacey
a Jewish grandma and her grandson are at the beach having a nice day
When out of nowhere, a huge wave comes and sweeps him out to sea.
She drops to her knees and pleads, "Please God, save my only grandchild. I beg of you, my life has no meaning without him. Please bring him back.
And a big wave comes and washes the boy back onto the beach, good as new.
She looks up to heaven and says: "He had a hat!"
Old German joke
An eight-year old boy had never spoken a word. One afternoon, as he sat eating his lunch he turned to his mother and said, “The soup is cold."
His astonished mother exclaimed, “Son, I’ve waited so long to hear you speak. But all these years you never said a thing. Why haven’t you spoken before?"
The boy looked at her and replied, “Up until now, everything has been satisfactory."
Boy: Dad, look! I got a new Xbox!
Dad: Wow! Where did you get it?
Boy: I won it in a race.
Dad: Nice! How many people were there?
Boy: Ummm . . . two others
Dad: Who were they?
Boy: Ummm . . . I don’t remember
Dad: C’mon. You must remember one of them
Boy: Well, there was me . . .
Dad: And . . .?
Boy: The store owner and the police
Genie: You have 3 wishes
...but no wish for more wishes, more genies, or more lamps, ha!
Me (being a smartass): I wish you were reaaaaally bad at counting.
Genie: Sure boy, you have zero wishes left.
I was watching a film with my little boy earlier. He said, “Dad I’m scared, is that woman going to die?”.
I said, “Judging on the size of that horses cock, yes”.
When I was a boy, I had a disease that required me to eat dirt three times a day in order to survive...
It's a good thing my older brother told me about it.
So a man loses an arm and a leg in an accident...
And he's talking to a friend. The friend points out to him an advertisement for incredibly realistic prosthetic limbs. "Oh boy, those seem great! I can't wait to buy them!" He says, and he goes off to get them. The next day, he's talking to his friend, but he's still missing his limbs! "What happened, I thought you were going to buy them!" His friend said, confused. "Oh, I did," He replied, "But they cost me an arm and a leg."
The world’s biggest gender reveal party happened way back in 1945
When Japan found out the US had a Little Boy