It's WW1 on the straits of Gallipoli, the soldiers are ready to charge from their trenches.
The british officers decides to make a rousing speech to his troops: "Listen here lads, did you come here to die?" and the australian answers "Nah mate, I came 'ere yesterday!"
None of you actually know what a propaganda is, do you?
It’s when a British person takes a good look at something
A Briton, a Frenchman, and a Russian are standing and staring at a portrait of Adam and Eve...
"Look at their calm, their reserve" says the Briton. "Surely they must be British!"
"Nonsense!" Replies the Frenchman. "They are beautiful. Surely they must be French!"
The Russian finally speaks, "they have no clothes, no shelter, only an apple to eat, and are being told this is paradise. They are Russian."
"Un, deux, trois, quatre", radioed the French ship...
...before it cinq.
"Eins, zwei, drei", radioed the German ship vierlessly, but then silence.
"Uno, dos", radioed the Spanish ship, and then disappeared without a tres.
"One," radioed the British ship before it went two.
"Won," radioed the American sub.
Old joke about heaven and hell
Heaven is where the police are British, the cooks are French, and the auto mechanics are German.
Hell is where the police are German, the cooks are English, and the auto mechanics are French.
My British friend was really proud of his heritage until he found out that his great grandfather was from Transylvania.
Now he can’t even look at himself in the mirror.
A frog took a DNA test
The results said he was 20% British, 30% French and a tad Pole.
The French and the British decided to have two cats swim a race across the English Channel...
They named the French cat "un deux trois cat" and the British, "one two three cat."
Which cat made it across first?
The British cat, because everyone knows that un deux trois cat cinq.
Why is the British weather like Islam?
Because it's either Sunni or Shi'ite
What's the favorite drink of every British serial killer?
Casual tea
An American is lecturing a British person, saying things like "it's an elevator not a lift" and "it's chips not crisps," etc. After a while of this, the British person calmly retorted, "they're schools, not shooting ranges."
Why are there pyramids in Egypt?
They were too heavy to steal and put in a British museum.
Four kids walk into an interview. One is American, one is British, one is African, and one is Chinese. The interviewer asks them all the same question: "In your own opinion, what do you think of the scarcity of food in other countries?" The British kid asks "What is scarcity?" The American kid asks "What are other countries?" The African kid asks "What is food?" And the Chinese kid asks "What is my own opinion?"