Call jokes

What’s it called when you keep doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results?

Voting.

What do you call Spiderman when he parks his car?

Peter Parker

What do you call a musician who's been dumped by his girlfriend?

Homeless!

what do you call a fake fish?

A De-koi

What do you call a gay couch.

A homosectional.

Why was Melania so excited when Donald Trump became president

Because she can call herself the first lady instead of the third wife

What do you call a blond that dyes her hair?

Artificial Intelligence

What do you call an iPhone 6S that ran out memory space.

Successful

Would the person who schedules the girls at a brothel...

...be called the whore-ganizer?

I don't see what's so offensive about calling someone from Pakistan a Paki...

It's like calling someone from Scotland a Scot, an Australian an Aussie or someone from France a cunt

A plumber rings the doorbell

"Come in", says the homeowner, Stacy.

"Hi, I am the plumber, sorry for being a bit late"

"That's fine, my sister must have called for you"

"Alright. So where's that disgusting clogged up mess?"

"Her name actually is Rita, and she's not home at the moment".

A close call.

Yesterday I was walking on the streets in my hometown Rotterdam, in the Netherlands. I was about to go to the grocery store when I saw a black man running with a TV. I was afraid of it being mine, so I ran home as quick as possible, but luckily mine was still there, polishing my shoes.

What will the 10th movie in the Fast and Furious franchise be called?

Fast10

Your seat belts

I’m going to start a restaurant called: Revenge is a Dish Best Served Cold. You know what we’re going to serve?

Just desserts...

I called Masturbators Anonymous to let them know I wouldn't be at the meeting...

...because I'm just not feeling myself today.

2 guys walk into a bar

"Hey donkey get the beers in" shouts one guy to the other.

The man walks up to the barman and stutters " two bee... two bee... two beers please?" the barman starts to pour the mans beer when the guys friend shouts "Donkey! get me some nuts too"

The man stood at the bar says to the barman " two pa... two pa.. two packets of nuts too please"

The barman says to the guy "That's a bit mean, why does he call you donkey?" and the man replies "It's OK, He aw... he aw.. he always calls me that"

I think they made a mistake when they named childbirth “delivery”.

It should have been called “takeout” instead.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef! What do you call a cow with 3 legs? Lean beef!!!!! What do you call a cow with 2 legs?

Your mom.

A guy named John Asshole goes to the courthouse change his name

The judge asks him: "What's your name?"

John was a ashamed of saying it out loud so he wrote his name down and passed it to the judge

The judge holds his laugh and asks him "Well, obviously your name must be changed. What name do you prefer to be called from now on, sir?"

"Mark Asshole"

There's an actual medical term for when your foot falls asleep.

It's called 'coma toes'