A man was trapped under a bench press
A man in the gym was at the bench press when the barbell fell on top of him. Despite them being strong, no one could lift the barbell off of him so the man that was trapped tells someone to call a therapist which they do. When the therapist arrives, he asks the man why he called him and the man says "I need to get something off my chest"
What do you call a beehive without an exit?
Unbelievable
What was it called when Einstein masturbated?
Stroke of genius.
I’m opening a dispensary that sells weed and doughnuts.
It called glazed and confused.
What’s it called when a chameleon can’t change its colors anymore?
A reptile dysfunction!
What do you call a magician who has lost his magic?
Ian
You're so unfamiliar with the gym...
You call it James
what do you call an underwater dog?
a sub-woofer
The phone bill was exceptionally high...
.... so the husband called a family meeting to discuss the issue.
Dad: This is unacceptable. I don't use the home phone, I use my work phone.
Mum: Me too. I hardly use our home phone. I use my company's phone.
Son: I always use my office mobile, I never touch the home phone.
All of them were shocked and together looked at the maid who was patiently listening to them.
Finally the maid said, "Why are you all looking at me? So we all use our work phones. What's the big deal??
What do you call a sex-offending cat?
a Purr-vert
There's a new erectile dysfunction medicine on the market
Its called mycoxaflopin
Honda is coming out with the 1st electric vehicle with wireless charging
It’s called the Honda Accordless
What do you call James Bond taking a bath?
Bubble 07
A doctor gets a phone call from a colleague while having dinner home with his wife
"We need a 4th for poker"
"I'll be right over" says the doctor.
"Is it serious?" His wife asks when she notices him quickly putting on his coat.
"Oh yes.. there are 3 other doctors there already."
What do you call a scam artist who is walking down the stairs?
Condescending
Tiger Woods drives his BMW into a petrol station
in a remote part of Ireland. Paddy, who knows nothing about golf, says "Top of the morning to you sir!"
Tiger nods and bends over to pick up the nozzle. As he does so two tees fall out of his pocket.
"What are those?"
Tiger replies, "These are called tees. They are for resting my balls on when I am driving."
"Fuck me" says Paddy, BMW think of everything!"
What do you call a man who cries while he pleasures himself?.
A tearjerker
I called up GameStop customer support
They told me to hold.
What do they call aborted fetuses in Prague?
Cancelled Czechs.
What is it called when a girl in the military squirts?
an honorable discharge.
(made this one up at work)