Can jokes

I can prove getting kicked in the nuts hurts worse than childbirth.

No guy has ever gotten kicked in the nuts, and then a couple years later says, “You know, I’d like another one.”

Watching movies on illegal websites are probably the hottest thing you can do.

I mean, why else would all these horny singles in my area be ready to chat.

What's the worst thing your wife can say during sex?

Honey, I'm home!!

The waiter came up to our table.

He said, "Can I take your order?"

I said, "Sure."

He said, "Thanks, I'm just really hungry."

What did one butt cheek say to the other butt cheek?

If we stick together, we can stop this shit.

TIL that you can get dishonorably discharged from the Navy for boarding the wrong vessel just once.

Whoops, wrong sub.

How can you tell the US is getting back to normal after Covid19?

There's been two mass shootings in the past week

Can we ban "Yo Momma" jokes from this sub? They're old, stupid, and have been done by literally everyone hundreds of times

Just like yo mama

I can sympathise with batteries.

I am never included in anything either

A photon walks into a hotel

The clerk asks "do you have any bags we can help you with?"

Photon says "naw dawg, I'm travelin' light"

English lord to his servant: James a glass of water please. Here you are sir. Thank you James. Another glass of water please. Sure sir, here you are. Thank you, James.

James, please call the firemen, I don't think we can put out this fire on our own.

A joke my 4 year old came up with today...

Him: ‟What‘s the only mammal that can breathe under water?”

Me: ‟I dunno, what?”

Him (loudly): ‟An elephant sticking his trunk up!”

My friend can’t decide what video game system to get for Christmas ...

... Nobody can console him.

A billionaire is leaving his doctor's office when he gets stopped and reminded to pay

"Doctor," he says, I've decided not to pay you for your services. Instead, I'm writing you into my will. Will that suffice?"

"Of course," replies the doctor. "But can you please give me back that prescription? I need to make a small change."

A rapist, a sexist and a racist walk into a bar

Barman: How can I help you Mr. President?

A German couple has a baby...

For 4 years he makes no sound, does not speak. Then one day the mother gives him soup, he says “This soup is cold.” The parents are amazed and ask “If you can talk, why have you not spoken before?” The child replies “Up to now everything has been satisfactory!”

How can you tell a girl ghost from a boy ghost?

Boooooooobs!

You’re welcome.

Happy Halloween everybody!

Make your Betsy DeVos jokes soon..

While people can still read

Who is the moat popular guy in a nudist colony?

The one who can hold 12 doughnuts without any hands.

Who is the most popular woman?

The one who can eat the last doughnut

Vladimir Putin and Kim Jong Un are discussing their countries, and decide to have a contest to see whose soldiers are more obedient.

They are in a hotel at the top of a mountain near a cliff.

Vladimir Putin instructs a soldier to run and jump off the cliff. The soldier says "Please Putin, I have a wife and children!" Putin lets him go.

Kim Jong Un instructs a soldier to jump. The soldier runs to jump off the cliff. Putin grabs him before he can, telling him not to jump. The soldier says "Please Putin, I have a wife and children!"