Dark jokes

The Pessimist sees a dark tunnel.

The Optimist sees the light at the end of the tunnel.

The Realist sees the approaching freight train.

The Train Driver sees 3 idiots about to get run over...

There are two things that never get old

Dark humour, and unvaccinated children.

A guy with Parkinson's, a sadist, and an epileptic were sitting in a bar

Then the sadist tells the guy with Parkinson's: Can you turn on the light please, it's a little dark in here.

A deaf couple are struggling to initiate sex...

A deaf couple is struggling to initiate sex in the dark of night, so they decide to sit down and communicate a work around.

The wife starts writing on a notepad, “If you want to have sex with with me, squeeze my left breast once, and if you don’t want to have sex with me squeeze my right breast once, sound good?”. The husband agrees, and picks up the pen, “If you want to have sex with me, pull my dick once, if you don’t want to have sex with me pull my dick 1,345 times, sound good?”.

Why does Batman just wear dark colors?

Easy. Batman doesn’t want to get shot.

Why does Robin just wear bright colors?

Easy. Batman doesn’t want to get shot

Son: Dad, does every father know more than his son?

Dad: Of course.

Son: “So, who invented the electric bulb?”

Dad: “Thomas Edison.”

Son: “But why didn't Edison's father invent the electric bulb?”

Dad: “It was dark everywhere, he was busy inventing Edison.”

I bought a porn DVD today and all I could see was a dark image of some fat cunt sitting there holding his cock.

Then I realised the TV wasn't on.

After God created 24 hours of alternating darkness and light, one of the angels asked him, "what are you going to do now?"

God said,

"I think I'm going to call it a day."

I was driving with my dad when we passed a cemetery. My dad goes in a low, dark, creepy voice, "I know something about this cemetery that you don’t.” And I was like what is it? He continued, "The people living in this town can’t be buried here.” I was really confused so I asked why?

He rasped, "Cuz they’re still alive!"

How many Jewish mothers does it take to change a light-bulb?

None. Don't worry about me, I'll just sit here in the dark.

So a guy is walking with a young boy into the woods. Boy: "Hey mister, it's getting dark out and I’m scared." Man: "How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone."

What's the difference between dark humor and morbid humor? Dark humor would be saying ten babies in one trashcan. Morbid humor would be saying one baby in ten trashcans.

Dark humor is a lot like food. Not everyone gets it.

So my parents were telling me about this dark joke they made 17 years ago, but they didn't actually tell me the joke.

Why do they call it the Dark Ages?

Because of all the Knights

Why is dark spelt with a 'k' and not a 'c'?

Because you can't 'c' in the dark

How many dead lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb?

More than 6, because my attic is still dark. Very dark.

Blonde Joke of the day

Two blondes fell down a hole.

One said, "It's dark in here isn't it?"

The other replied, "I don't know; I can't see." :-D

Two blondes fall into a well

The first one says “wow it’s really dark in here” the other says “really? I can’t see anything.”