Door jokes

Today I decided to go visit my childhood home. I asked the residents if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door in my face.

My parents are the worst.

I hate when revolving doors move too fast

It's a pane in the ass

An insolent teenager stomps off to her room...

Teenager: "And another thing - JIM MORRISON SUCKS!"

Dad: "Hey! There'll be no slamming of the Doors in this house!"

When one door closes another one opens

“That’s all well and good”, I told the car dealer, “but I’m not buying the car until you fix it!”

Why couldn't the pickle leave the bar?

Because the door was ajar!

a man goes to confess after 25 years

So the man walks into the confession booth for the first time in his adult life, having nothing but bad memories about it from when he was a child. So he opens the door, sits down and notices a couple of playboy nude calenders on the wall, a bottle of whiskey in the corner and a nice box of cigars next to it, and he thinks to himself "Wow, this place has really improved over the years"

But then the Father opens the door and yells "Get out! that's my booth!"

My girlfriend was mad because I didn't open the car door for her.

I just swam to the surface.

I got fired from my job at Planned Parenthood

My boss didn’t like me saying “Takeout or delivery?” whenever someone walked in the door

Why should you always knock on the refrigerator door before opening it?

There might be a salad dressing.

What should you do when a musician comes to your door?

Pay him and take your pizza.

My neighbor came pounding on my front door at 2am last night

lucky for him, I was up practicing my bag pipes.

I found out my girlfriend is really a ghost.

I had my suspicions the moment she walked through the door.

I was holding a door open for an Asian Guy.

Once he went though, He said, 'Sank you'.

I Swore at him and kicked him in the Shin.

I Then said, 'Never bring up Pearl Harbor like that'

Nothing better than shutting the door and jerking off after a long day

And it's even better if the uber has heated seats

A guy is sitting in a bar drinking.

After some couple of drinks he tries to stand up and he falls. He crawls to the door of the bar and tries to stand up and he falls again, he crawls until he reaches the door in his house and he tries to stand but then for the third time he falls again. He then decides to knock on the door while he is on the ground. His wife opens the door and surprised she asks him, "Where the hell did you leave your wheelchair?"

A little girl was in class talking to her teacher.

"I had a kitty who stuttered." Said the little girl. "I was in the back yard with it when a Rottweiler that lives next door jumped over the fence into our yard!"

“That must've been scary!” said the teacher.

“It sure was", said the little girl. "My little kitty raised his back and went 'Fffff, Fffff, Fffff'... and before he could say "fuck," the Rottweiler ate him!"

This guy came up to me in the gym.

He said, hey...what's your secret?

I said, I poo with the door open

A man picks up a hitchhiking priest on the highway

Soon after he sees a hitchhiking lawyer on the side of the road. He aims his car towards the lawyer with the intent to run him over, but remembers he has a priest in the car with him and swerves at the last second. He feigns innocence and says to the priest "Oh my God! That was close! I almost ran over that lawyer!", to which the priest replies "That's okay son. I got him with my door."

In the words of Bill Murray...

An Irish man knocks on the door of an old lady, he says he's broke and looking for work. The old lady says "Sure, I'll pay you to paint my porch." So she gives the Irish man some paint and he leaves.

One hour later the man comes back, "Are you already done?" the lady asked, "Aye." said the Irish man, "But it's not a porch it's a Mazda."

A vacuum cleaner salesman came to my door, poured a bag of dog shit on my carpet and said, "Sir, if this vacuum can't clean it completely, I'll eat whatever's left."

I said, "I hope you're hungry 'cause they cut off the electricity this morning."