Door jokes

I met a lovely lady last night.

Although she was 57 she was very sexy and funny, she asked me if I fancied a Mother-Daughter threesome? I jumped at the chance,so we went back to her place, she took out her door keys and opened the door, turned on the light.

And shouts out, "Mum are you still awake."

Man

If a man opens the car door for his wife

You can be sure of one thing — either the car is new or the wife is.

Bar

A six lane motorway and an autobahn are having a drink in a bar.

The door opens and a skinny useless looking single strip of asphalt walks in and sits near them. The motorway nudges and gestures the autobahn to move quietly to another part of the bar. When they are seated again the autobahn asks what the problem is. The motorway replies "You don't want to be near him when he's had a few drinks. He's a fucking cyclepath"

Dog

I adopted a dog from a blacksmith today..

First thing he did when i got him home was make a bolt for the door.

Woman

A woman purchases an antique mirror...

in front of the mirror she playfully says " mirror mirror on the door, make my bust-line fourty four " and her breasts grew to enourmous proportions. She quickly ran to grab her husband and he decided to try it " mirror mirror on the door, make my penis touch the floor!" and his legs fell off

Hour

Ordered a Chinese earlier in the day. The Chinese driver pulls up and walks to the door. I walked out to meet him and he started shouting, "Isolate isolate!"

I said, "Calm down dude, you're not that late. I only ordered it half an hour ago!"

Knock

Pretty lame I guess depends on how many of you get it.

Knock knock

Who's there?

Door mum

Door mum who?

I've come to bargain

Drunk

An obnoxious drunk stumbles into the front door of a bar and orders a drink, the bartender says, "No way, buddy, you're too drunk."

A few minutes later, the drunk comes in though the bathroom.

Again he slurs, "Give me a drink," and the bartender says, "No, man, I told you last time, you're too drunk"

Five minutes later the guy comes in though the back door and orders a drink, again the bartender says, "You're too drunk"

The drunk scratches his head and says "Dang, I must be. The last two places said the same thing."

Neighbour

Neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30 in the morning last nite. 2:30am! Can you believe it?

He was so damn lucky I was still up playing my drums or I would've lost it. Some people have no consideration for others.

Little Johnny catches his mom and dad...

Mom and dad are having sex when little Johnny walks in. Quickly, dad tells him to leave. When mom and dad come out of the room, they explain to Johnny that sometimes daddy's get a big tummy and mommy's have to jump on it so it will deflate. Then Johnny replies, "But why does mommy have to deflate it when Ms. Jane next door just comes over every day to blow it back up?"

Girlfriend

‌‌My g‌‌irlfriend l‌‌eft a‌‌ n‌‌ote o‌‌n t‌‌he f‌‌ridge d‌‌oor...

It said, "This is not working. I'm going to my mothers."

I opened the door. The light came on. The beer was cold. Just what in the hell did she mean?

Girl

I lived in a houseboat for a while, and started seeing the girl next door.

Eventually we drifted apart.

Firemen

I can't be doing with those pricks who knock on my door and tell me they're my saviour and if I don't listen I'll burn.

Damn Firemen.

Man

A man is sitting in the dock at court.

The judge asks the man for his occupation. "I'm a locksmith, your honour", the defendant replies. "And what were you doing at the jewellers at three in the morning when police arrived at the scene", the judge inquires. "I was making a bolt for the door".