Hang jokes

What did the scarf say to the hat?

I’m just gonna hang around here.. you go on ahead.

A guy walks into a bar and sees a bunch of meat hanging on the wall.

He sits down and asks the bartender what the deal is with the meat. Bartender says the deal is if you want a free drink you gotta jump up and touch the meat but if you miss, you buy a round for the bar. The guy takes another look at the meat and the bartender asks if he's in. No, says the guy the steaks are too high.

What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?

You only need one nail to hang the picture.

A man walks into the doctor's office and immediately drops his pants....

The doctor sees a small leaf of lettuce hanging from the man's anus. (Rather redundantly) he asks "What seems to be the problem here?" "Oh doc," the man replies, "that's just the tip of the iceberg."

CHEESEBURGER: $1.50 CHICKEN SANDWICH: $2.50 HAND JOB: $10.00

A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar that reads: CHEESEBURGER: $1.50 CHICKEN SANDWICH: $2.50 HAND JOB: $10.00

He walks up to the bar and beckons one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks. "Can I help you?" she asks. "I was wondering," whispers the man. "Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?"

"Yes," she purrs. "I am."

The man replies, "Well, wash your hands. I want a cheeseburger."

A guy is laying in bed with his mistress...

- Shouldn't your husband be coming soon? Cause I'd rather not see him, he's my best friend after all... - Don't worry, he won't be here before an hour.

At that moment, the phone rings. The woman answers : "Hi honey. Ok honey, yes honey. Bye Honey"

She hangs up and turns towards her lover :

- It was my husband, he'll be an hour late. He's playing pool with you.

If online bullying has taught us anything.....

It's that people would sooner hang themselves than lose a bit of weight!!

A rope walks into a bar

And sees someone sitting at the bar reposting this joke. The rope hangs the reposter.

I heard prisoners get drunk a lot ...

They hang around bars 24/7.

Why shouldn’t you hang your diplomas on the refrigerator?

Because a refrigerator shouldn’t have too many degrees.

Life is like a penis.

It's all relaxed freely hanging, and then a woman comes and makes it hard.

As Epstein swayed back and forth, coming to grips with the inevitable, he reached out to give the guard one final high five...

But he just left him hanging.

When it's been Halloween for a few months but there's still a body hanging from your neighbor's tree.

What did the rope say to me?

"Hey there, man, you wanna hang later?"

What's a depressed kid's favorite holiday? Christmas because everything is hanging.

What do depressed people and apples have in common? They both hang from trees.

I wanna be a Christmas decoration because they always do be hanging.

Are you a rope? Because I wanna hang with you.

Where can I find someone to hang out with and share a companionship?

Asking for a friend.

I found my son hanging from a rope in his bedroom. On the floor was a note saying, "I can't stand the critism anymore." I quickly cut him down, gave him CPR and he started to breath....

As he lay in my arms, I saw his eyes slowly open and I said, "That's not how you spell criticism."