Knife jokes

Mugger

The mugger

Two guys are walking home from a bar when a mugger approaches them in an alley with a knife and demands their money. They both grudgingly pull out their wallets and begin taking out their cash. Just then one guy turns to the other and says, "Hey, here's that $20 I owe you."

Money

Money

How do you break up two blind guys fighting?

Yell, "My money's on the guy with the knife!"

Thief

Thief

A thief pointed a knife at me and said "your money or your life"

I smiled and told him I was married, so I have no money or a life. He dropped the knife and we hugged and cried for a moment.

Blind people

Blind people

Today, I saw 2 blind people fighting

Then I shouted: "I'm supporting the one with the knife", they both ran away.

Mugs

Mugs

I started carrying a knife after an attempted mugging a few years ago

Since then, my mugging attempts have been a lot more successful.

Steak

Steak

I was eating a steak in my favorite restaurant, when a girl came to my table and shouted at me: "Enjoying your meat, murderer?!"

Seriously Rachel it was 15 years ago and your dad had a knife. Jeez.

Fight

Fight

How do you stop a fight between 2 blind people?

You scream: “I bet 10 dollars on the guy with the knife!”

Girl

Girl

For me, getting girls is like spreading butter...

It's much easier with a knife.