Math

I have a scary joke about math

But I'm 2^2 to tell it.

Make the little things count

Teach math to midgets

Science puns make me numb

But math puns make me number.

An engineer, a physicist, a mathematician, and a philosopher are at a coffee house.

The physicist says, "You know, engineering is just applied physics," and they all laugh. The mathematician says, "You know, physics is just applied math," and they all laugh again. Then the philosopher says, "Well, you know, math is just applied philosophy," and the engineer says, "Shut up and make our coffee."

Friend: I got kicked out of math class today.

Me: Why? Friend: Turns out mouthwash doesn't come after 69.

What did the mermaid wear to her math class?

An algae bra.

Teacher: ”what is 4+2?”

Johnny: ”3!”

Teacher: ”Yes, you are right.”

I’ll admit that Chinese kids in math class are pretty smart

But doing it with their eyes closed... that’s a bit cocky

I hate engineer students, they always walk around saying "I'm an engineer" this, or "I'm an engineer" that.

You don't hear a math student say "i'm a mathematician" or an art student say "i'm a barista".

I've discovered that 1+1 can, in fact, equal 3.

Because I wasn't wearing a condom.

What's the difference between math and meth?

Meth is a stimulant, and math is a depressant.

An average person tends to be a mean person

Math joke.

Not all math jokes are bad

Just sum.

How long are math snakes?

3.14 feet. Well, at least the πthon is

(I'm so sorry)

Why are glasses required to do math?

because you need it for davision

"Students nowadays are so clueless", the math professor complains to a colleague.

"Yesterday, a student came to my office hours and wanted to know if General Calculus was a Roman war hero..."

"If you had a dollar," quizzed the teacher, "and you asked your father for another dollar and fifty cents, how much money would you have?"

"One dollar." answered little Johnny.

"You don't know your basic math." said the teacher shaking her head, disappointed.

Little Johnny shook his head too, "You don't know my daddy."

Him: Damn, girl, are you a math textbook? Her: No, why?

Him: 'Cause you have a lot of fuckin' problems.

Boy: Hey wanna see a movie with me tonight?

Girl: I have a boyfriend.

Boy: and i have a math test tomorrow.

Girl: What does that have to do with anything?

Boy: I thought we were listing things we were going to cheat on.

Little Teddy’s doing very poorly in math, so his parents enroll him in Catholic school.

The first day home from St. Michael’s, he walks straight to his room to do his math homework. After dinner Teddy marches back upstairs and starts calculating again.

His mother visits his room and says, “You’re working awfully hard!”

“Well,” Teddy replies, “today when I saw that guy nailed to the plus sign, I knew they weren’t fucking around.”

A dad says to his son “Ten times two and eleven times two equal the same number”

The son says it’s wrong

The dad asks “what’s ten times two?”

The son replies “Twenty”

Then the dad says “And eleven times two is twenty too!”