Me jokes

2 tampons are walking past each other, which one says "hi", first.

Neither, they're both stuck up cunts.

I wish my ex could look down from heaven and see me now...

But nooooooo! The mother fucker is still alive.

My wife was feeding the baby and complained that she just refused to latch and suck.

"Aww," I said. "More like her mother every day."

My girlfriend enjoys "doggy style" in the bedroom.

I sit up and beg, she rolls over and plays dead.

I had this friend named Leonardo. We called him Lee. Anyway, he didn't have alot of money. In fact, he was basically broke...

So one day he stole some bread because he was starving and couldn't buy food. He was caught and sentenced to death. It's really not that funny, but this joke was poor Lee executed.

My wife keeps trying to give me a blowjob while on the treadmill

Its the worst running gag of all time

Couples Therapist: So what brings the two of you here today?

Her: It’s impossible to live with him. He’s too literal.

Me: My truck.

How do you know when a blonde is having a bad day?

When she can't find her pencil and there is a tampon behind her ear.

I was gonna make a joke about memory loss

I think

I got my covid test results and I'm so confused.. it was just the number 83...

On the plus side my IQ test came back positive

what stops a clown from laughing

a bullet

" doctor I can't stop singing What's New Pussycat."

" I think you might have Tom Jones syndrome." " is it rare?" " it's not unusual."

If someone asks you to spell part backwards. Don't

It's a trap.

Why was six afraid of seven?

Because seven is a registered six offender.

I absolutely hate donating blood. As soon as you walk through the door you get bombarded with questions.

I absolutely hate when they ask “Where did you get it?” “Why is it in a bucket?”

Where can I find someone to hang out with and share a companionship?

Asking for a friend.

Why should you always carry arms with you?

They might come in handy.

What is a pdf file

And why is my uncle under arrest for being one

A Mormon and an Irishman are on a plane.

A Mormon was seated next to an Irishman on a flight from London to the US.

After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The Irishman asked for a whiskey, which was promptly brought and placed before him.

The flight attendant then asked the Mormon if he would like a drink. He replied in disgust, "I'd rather be savagely raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips."

The Irishman then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "Me too, I didn't know we had a choice."

A dyslexic kid once told me,

"I put the 'sexy' in dyslexia."