Me jokes

In a cruel twist of irony, Stephen Hawking's favorite song was "I've Got the Power."

How did Stephen Hawking please his woman? He used a hard drive.

It's funny how Stephen Hawking sounds like Stephen walking or Stephen talking, but he can't do any of those things.

Poor Stephen Hawking couldn't pass the "I'm not a robot" test.

What were Stephen Hawking's last words? System failure.

What does Stephen Hawking say after sex? That was wheelie good.

The other day at school, we had to write down our hero and what we would do if they walked into our house. I got off easy because my hero is Stephen Hawking.

My girlfriend's dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one.

It just made her more upset.

She screamed at me, "What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?"

What's the difference between Stephen Hawking and the computer he's hooked up to? The computer runs.

Why has Stephen Hawking stopped playing hide and seek with his wife? Because she keeps using a metal detector.

What did Stephen Hawking say when his computer crashed?

Nothing.

Why does Stephen Hawking do one-liners? Because he can't do stand-up.

Stephen Hawking walked into a bar. Just kidding. :(

I can't find out where Stephen Hawking is from; I just can't place his accent.

When does a pentagon not have 5 sides?

When it's intersected by a plane

If Stephen Hawking has a heart attack, do you take him to Halfords or A&E?

What shampoo does Stephen Hawking use? Head & Shoulders.

Stephen Hawking said there is no God. God said there is no Stephen Hawking.

What's Stephen Hawking's favorite type of comedy? Stand-up.

Stephen Hawking is such a bad role model for our kids. He only ever looks one way when crossing the street.