Employee
"Thank you for the glass of milk earlier", I said to the sperm bank employee.
"What glass of milk?", he replied.
Me: The glass of milk that was sitting on your desk.
"Oh my god!"
Me: What?
"That was my glass of milk."
Milk jokes
Astronaut
An astronaut says to his friend: 'I can't find any milk for my coffee'
The friend replies 'In space, no one can. Here, use cream.'
A farmer is lying in bed with his wife....
when he turns to her grabs her tits and says
"Honey if you could get milk out of these we could sell the cow".
Then he grabs her pussy and says "Honey if you could get eggs out of here we could sell the chickens".
She turns to him smiles,grabs his dick and says
"Honey if you could get this up I could get rid of your brother"
Cow
A series of cow jokes
Q: What do you call a sleeping cow? A: A bull-dozer Q: How does a farmer count his cows? A: With a cowculator Q: Why do cows wear bells? A: Because their horns don't work Q: Why don't cows have money? A: The farmers milk them dry Q: What's a grumpy cow called? A: Moooody
Boob
Who is the greatest?
A BOOB, a VAGINA and an ASSHOLE are debating as to who is the greatest of them all
BOOB: I give milk to new born babies and I'm attractive to the opposite sex, that's why I'm the greatest
VAGINA: that's nothing. I give birth to babies and I accommodate the opposite sex, that's why I'm the greatest
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Why are you scrolling down? It's your turn to speak!
Milkman
Milk Order
A milkman gets an order for 40 gallons of milk. Puzzled, he decides to ask the customer if this is a mistake.
When he knocks on the door, a woman comes out wearing just a bath towel, and she confirms that she wants 40 gallons. "Milk baths are good for your skin," explains the woman.
"Oh, OK," replies the milkman. "Do you need it pasteurized then?"
"No," says the woman. "Up to my tits will be fine."
Man
A man sunbathes in the nude and ends up burning his penis
His doctor tells him to ease the pain by dipping it in a saucer of cold milk. Later, his blonde wife comes home and finds him with his dick in a saucer of cold milk.
"Good heavens!" she remarks "I always wondered how you reloaded those things!"
Leg
why does a milking stool only have three legs
because cows have the udder
Man
A man told his wife he was going to the supermarket.
Man: I'm going to get get a carton of milk.
Wife: Okay, if you see bananas, get 6.
The man comes home with 6 cartons of milk.
Wife: What the hell!!! Why did you bring 6 cartons of milk!
Man: I saw bananas at the supermarket.
Cow
What do you call a cow...
...w/ no legs? Ground beef.
...w/ 1 leg? Stake.
...w/ 2 legs? Lean beef.
...w/ 3 legs? Tri-tip.
...w/ 4 legs? A cow, you dummy.
...w/ 4 legs in the air? High stakes.
...w/ 5 legs? Chernobull.
...w/ no hind legs? An udder drag.
...w/ a twitch? Beef jerky.
I could keep going but I've milked this joke dry
Juice
Why do neo-nazis drink milk?
Because they hate juice
Woman
A woman says to her engineer husband...
"Could you please go to the store for me and buy a carton of milk. And if they have eggs, get six."
A short time later the husband comes back with six cartons of milk. The wife asks, "Why the heck did you buy six cartons of milk?"
"They had eggs."
Boy
There was a boy playing in the farm field when his mom called him in for breakfast.
On his way in he kicked a cow, pig, and a chicken. So when he gets to the table he sees a dry bowl of cereal. "What's the deal?" he asks. His mom says " You kicked the cow so no milk for you, you kicked the pig so no bacon for you, and you kicked the chicken so no eggs for you." Then his father walks into the kitchen and accidentally kicked the cat. The the boy says "Do you want me to tell him or should you?"
Difference
What's the difference between a guy dying on a cross and a cow?
You can't milk a cow for 2000 years.