Movie jokes

Given that a radiator is essentially a vital organ to a car, it’s strange that the town in the movie “Cars” is called “Radiator Springs”.

It would be like if we called a city “Liver Pool”.

I stole a Tom Cruise movie from the store the other day...

It was Risky Business.

A man buys a lie detecting robot that slaps people when they lie.

He decides to test it at dinner one night. He asks his son what he did that afternoon. Son: "I did some homework." The robot slaps the son. Son: "Ok, ok. I was at a friend's house watching a movie." Dad: "What movie did you watch?" Son: "Toy Story." The robot slaps the son. Son: "Ok, ok, we were watching porn." Dad: "What? At your age I didn't even know what porn was." The robot slaps the father. Mom: "Well, at least this isn't a repost." The robot slaps the mother.

What’s Mitch McConnell’s favorite movie?

Kill Bill.

I had an idea for a movie plot where a retired CIA agent searches for his kidnapped daughter in Paris.

Turns out that idea was taken. I then had another idea for a movie where the same agent is kidnapped with his ex-wife in Istanbul, but it turns out that one was taken too.

I had sex with my girlfriend and it was just like in the movies...

I was fast and she was furious

There's a movie coming out about a big rig truck.

Have you seen the trailer?

Tom Hanks, Leonardo DiCaprio and Matthew McConaughey all decide to make a movie

Tom hanks says "I'll produce it"

Leonardo DiCaprio says "I'll direct it"

Matthew McConaughey says "I'll write I'll write I'll write"

I recently saw a movie about nuts and bolts.....

The plot was riveting!

Did you hear that in the next fast and the furious movie they’re getting rid of those long fin things on the back of the cars

Ah sorry, spoilers

In the Harry Potter books, Sirius Black is in his early 30's,

... but in the movies, he look like an Oldman.

In the next Marvel movie I hear that Ironman, Captain America and the others will team up to battle Comcast .

It is called Avengers Xfinity Wars!

Why was the dyslexic kid kicked out of the movie theater?

He kept asking where to buy cop porn.

The movie Speed didn't have a director...

Because if Speed had direction, it would have been called Velocity.

Yesterday, a beautiful girl asked me if I wanted to watch a movie.

She said, "What movie would you like to see?" I said, “You pick." She said, “You pick." I said, “I don't care. You pick." She said, “Sir, there are people waiting behind you waiting to buy tickets."

My grandfather warned people that the Titanic would sink

No one listened, but he kept on warning them nonetheless until they got sick of him and kicked him out the movie theatre

What's an orphan's favorite movie? Home alone.

Obi Wan: “Yoda, why did the Star Wars movies come out 4,5,6,1,2,3

Yoda: “In charge of scheduling I was”

I just realized Titanic and the Sixth Sense are basically the same movie.

Icy dead People!

NSFW: My wife said she wanted to have sex like they do in the movies...

So I pushed her against the wall, grabbed her hair from behind and drilled her up the shitter. Turns out we watch different movies.