Once jokes

I'm sick and tired of your obsession with walkietalkies, this relationship is over!

This relationship is what? Over.

Why are stormtroopers so inaccurate?

Because they're imperial

A girl I met told me her pussy tasted like a rainbow...

Found out she meant 'Trout' and not 'Skittles.'

I found my first grey pubic hair today.

However, i didn't freak out about it like the other people in the elevator.

I just saw a documentary on how ships are kept together.

It was riveting.

Man to therapist : "I just fucked my fourth cousin."

Therapist : "Is that a problem for you?"

Man : "The problem is that I'm counting."

Father: “Son, you were adopted.” SON : “What?! I knew it! I want to meet my biological parents!” Father: “We are your biological parents. Now pack up, the new ones will pick you up in 20 minutes.”

My friend is addicted to buying ladders

He uses them to get high.

Guy walks into a bar

And orders 6 shots, and drinks them one after the other

Bartender says "what's the occasion?"

Guy says " my first blowjob"

Bartender "in that case let me buy you another"

Guy " if the first 6 don't get the taste out of my mouth, I don't think another would help"

Why did the Broncos wear white jerseys in Super Bowl 50?

Because it's hard to catch a white bronco in California.

Did you hear about the overweight, alcoholic transvestite?

He liked to eat, drink, and be Mary.

My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker...

...Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend yet.

How do you make a water bed more bouncy?

You use spring water.

President Biden has announced water is now only legal in three states.

Solid, liquid and gas.

I always say muchos to spanish people

It means a lot to them

What is the only key a piano can play in after it was dropped down the mine shaft?

Minor B flat

What's the speed limit of sex?

68 – at 69 you have to turn around.

Daughter: "Hey dad, how do you feel about abortion?"

Father: "Ask your sister.”

Daughter: "I don't have a si-"

Me and my childhood crush are marrying next year

Hers is in February and mine in July

Dad explained the difference between theory and reality.

Dad told me to ask mom if she would sleep with the neighbor for one million dollars. Mom said she would. Dad then told me to ask my sister if she would sleep with the neighbor for one million dollars. Sis said she would. Dad said right. In theory, we are sitting on two million dollars. In reality, we are living with two whores.