A man’s walking home late at night when he sees a woman in the shadows. “Twenty bucks,” she says. He’s never been with a prostitute before, but he decides what the hell.
They are going at it for a minute when all of a sudden a light flashes on them—it’s a
policeman.
“What’s going on here, people?” asks the officer.
“I’m making love to my wife,” the man answers indignantly.
“Oh, I’m sorry,” says the cop, “I didn’t know.”
“Well,” said the man, “to tell the truth neither did I until you flashed that light
on her face.”
Why don't black people go on cruises?
They already fell for that once.
Ugh. They stopped selling "skin color" Crayons.
I guess I can still draw people when my Crayons run out, but albino more.
Today my son told me he wanted to go help blind people after school...
The verb, not the adjective.
I hate it when people make fun of the disabled
They can't even stand up for themselves
A robber breaks into a house where two people are just finishing having sex.
The robber ties the man and woman up. He starts looking around the room for valubles. When he doesn't find any, the robber asks the man
"Where's the good stuff!"
The man replies, "I'll tell you, just untie her and let her go."
Robber: "you love your wife that much huh?"
The man: "No, that's my neighbors wife, mine's on her way home!"
What did one saggy boob say to the other?
If we don’t get some support soon, people will think we’re nuts.
1 in 6 people...
find Russian roulette mind blowing.
We conducted an online survey....
...and found that out of the world's population, 0% of people are Amish.
Why do people say "break a leg" before an audition?
It's so that they'll end up in a cast.
Lately people have been trying to get me to jump off a dock
But I don't give into pier pressure.
Why do skydiving companies have excellent reviews?
Because it was awesome for the people who survived
Do you know what French people smoke?
Oui’d.
Prison may be just one word
But for some people it's a whole sentence
Most people are assholes. Don't believe me?
Next time you see a group of people, yell out "hey, asshole!"
All of them will turn and look.
What's the only branch of the government that actually listens to its people?
NSA
Make your Betsy DeVos jokes soon..
While people can still read
Where do dead people buy their cigarettes?
At the coroner store.
A father bought a lie detector which hit people when they lied.
His young son said, “I have no naughty books!”
The machine quickly hit him.
His father saw that and scolded his son, “When I was your age, I didn’t have such books!”
The machine quickly hit him.
The mother saw what happened and laughed and said, “Oh, you are truly father and son!”
The machine quickly hit her.
I was walking by a car filled with bIack people and as I came near they locked the door. I felt like such a badass
Then I realized that it was my car..
