People jokes

What's the difference between the Titanic and Kim Kardashian?

The number of people who rode the Titanic is known.

Some people think filling animals with helium is wrong...

I don't judge. Whatever floats your goat.

I saw a guy getting jumped by 4 people so I decided to step in and help...

That guy stood no chance against the 5 of us.

So I work with a Chinese guy called Kim.

Once when we're having drinks, I asked him, "Aren't you tired of Westerners saying that all Chinese people look the same? "

He replied, "Kim's at the bar getting drinks, I'm his wife. "

I hate it when homeless people shake their cups of coins at me

I get that you have more money than me, no need to rub it in

The people that work at my bank are so nice!

Every time they call, they say my loans are outstanding!

Sure, white people can't say the n-word, but....

At least we can say, "hey dad", "thanks for the warning officer", and "that's my kid".

I'm a 5G installation engineer and people are constantly accusing me with bizarre conspiracy theories, such as how 5G is giving them headaches, or killing their sperm. I think they are completely crazy.

4G must've fried their brains.

Not sure why people are getting grief for using ivermectin to combat covid

The label clearly states it is safe for use in donkeys and jackassess.

They say that the 10 types of people in this world are those that can read binary and those that get laid.

Can someone explain to me the other 8 types?

When I am tasked with sorting through a stack of résumés, I throw about half of them in the garbage.

I do not want unlucky people working in our company

A doctor and an archeologist start flirting

After a while of the doctor asks: -“What do you do for a living” -“Im an archeologist” she answers The doctor responds: -“Then I guess this isnt going to work out, you will constantly be dating other people”

Are people born with photographic memories?

Or do they take a while to develop?

A man buys a lie detecting robot that slaps people when they lie.

He decides to test it at dinner one night. He asks his son what he did that afternoon. Son: "I did some homework." The robot slaps the son. Son: "Ok, ok. I was at a friend's house watching a movie." Dad: "What movie did you watch?" Son: "Toy Story." The robot slaps the son. Son: "Ok, ok, we were watching porn." Dad: "What? At your age I didn't even know what porn was." The robot slaps the father. Mom: "Well, at least this isn't a repost." The robot slaps the mother.

My dog wouldn't stop chasing people on bikes.

In the end, I had to take his bike away.

People keep telling me that alcohol isn't a solution

but I've asked my chemist friends and they all reassure me that it is.

A person is walking down the street and hears a bunch of people in a fenced-in yard shouting, "19! 19! 19! 19!"

Curious, he walks over and looks through a hole in the fence. Someone from the other side pokes him in the eye and they all start shouting "20! 20! 20!"

They say certain types of people can resist a good click bait.

Apparently you aren’t one of them.

So I did some research...

and Chinese people like listening to music on their phones with earbuds, black people like portable speakers, Mexicans prefer cheaper systems in their home with big speakers and white people like higher end but compact systems...

Sorry, I guess I shouldn't be discussing racial stereo types.

What does a racist joke and crossing the street have in common?

White people look both ways before they start...