Play jokes

My next door neighbor banged on my door at 3:00 am last night.

Fortunately, I was wide awake, playing my bagpipes on the back porch at the time.

Did you hear about the stage production called “Dictionary”?

It’s a play on words.

When Mozart died, you could hear his music playing backwards at his grave.

He was decomposing.

My family loves to have dance parties. My dad will just play music from his iPod, and I'll go to the light switch and make a nice strobe light effect. Everyone loves it, especially my younger cousin. He gets down on the floor and starts breakdancing! It makes him so happy, and he needs that extra joy in his life, especially since the doctor recently diagnosed him with epilepsy.

When Jim was playing on his phone, my grandfather told him, “You use way too much technology!”. Jim then said, “No, YOU use too much technology!” and then Jim disconnected his grandfather’s life support.

Why do orphans play GTA? So they can be wanted.

My girlfriend enjoys "doggy style" in the bedroom.

I sit up and beg, she rolls over and plays dead.

Three women are in a gym locker room dressing up to play racquetball when suddenly a guy runs through the room wearing nothing but a bag over his head.

He passes the first woman, who looks down at his penis. "He's not my husband," she says.

He passes by the second woman, who also looks down at his penis. "He's not my husband either."

He passes by the third woman, who also looks down as he runs by her.

"Wait a minute," she says. "He's not even a member of this club."

My friend's worried he's addicted to playing guitar

I told him not to fret but he says he can't help it

What's a women's favorite thing to play with?

My emotions.

What's the difference between a rock guitarist and a jazz guitarist?

The rock musician plays three chords for thousands of people, the jazz guitarist plays thousands of chords to three people.

What starts with 'p' ends with 'orn' and plays a major role in the film industry?

Popcorn

Making love to a woman, is like playing a violin...

I don't know how to do it...

A gay man and his male friend are hanging out at his house...

After a while of playing games, talking, and watching TV, the friend gets hungry. He turns to his gay buddy and asks:

"Hey, I am gonna order some subs, do you want any?"

The gay man replies: "No, sorry, I only do doms."

You may be a 6 in looks and a 7 in bed, but when it comes to piss play, baby...

Urinate.

Today i saw a strip club across the road from a minigolf place.

I'm liberal but that's too much for me. What if your trying to have a nice afternoon with your family and kids and you look across the street and have to see a bunch of losers playing minigolf.

What is the only key a piano can play in after it was dropped down the mine shaft?

Minor B flat

I've been in jail 5 minutes and already got raped twice

I'm fucking done playing monopoly with my dad.

What does Al Gore play on his guitar?

Algorithm.

My brother took going to jail really badly. He refused all offers of food and drink, spat and swore at anyone who came near him, and smeared the walls with his own feces.

After that, we never played Monopoly again.