4 catholic priests are sharing a private compartment on a train
They decided to confess their biggest flaw to each other.
The first priest confesses that he spends most of the church money on booze.
The second priest explains that he blows the church collection betting on horses.
The third priest confesses that he spends the church takings on drugs.
They have opened their souls and revealed their deepest secrets. They look to the last priest and he says "I am a gossip and I can't wait to get off this train".
When I was young, I was courageous enough to shave my privates with a straight razor.
I don’t have the balls to do that anymore.
A general walks up to his private
"Private!"
"Yes, sir!"
"I didn't see you in camouflage tactics training this morning!"
"Thank you, sir!"
My Russian wife wouldn't even teach me how to say hello in her language
She says it's private.
A corporal needed to use the pay phone but didn't have change.
He saw a private mopping the floor nearby and asked, "Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?" The private replied, "Sure, hang on." The corporal gave him an icy stare and yelled, "That's no way to address your superior! Straighten up and let's try that again! Private, do you have change for a dollar?"
The private stood at attention and boomed, "NO SIR!"
Can someone please tell me what the lowest rank in the military is?
Every time I ask someone they say “it’s private.”
A 13 year old boy has difficulty with mathematics, failing in public school.
His parents were not religious but after a friend's suggestion they felt a private Catholic school may be more effective. His grades began to rise dramatically after this switch. Asked what has helped him so much, he responded
"When I saw the guy nailed to the plus sign I knew they meant business!"
A guy and a girl are in the same programming class..
Out of nowhere, the guy reaches over and grabs the girl's breast.
Disturbed, the girl looks at the guy and says "What are you doing!? Those are private!"
He only states "How is that? We're in the same class."
Best Computer Science Joke!
A man and woman are in a computer programming lecture. The man touches the woman's breasts.
"Hey!" she says. "Those are private!"
The man says, "But we're in the same class!"
My friend always tells everyone that he's a private investigator,
but within our group of friends we know he's just a gynecologist.
An Australian was taking his girlfriend out for a night of passion under the stars.....
....when she was stung between the legs by a giant hornet. In a panic he wasn’t sure what to do so he rang the Australian Emergency Medical Helpline.... “Hello, I’m takin’ me Shiela out for a romantic night of camping and she’s just been stung by a hornet on her privates...and it’s all swollen and closed up”... “Ahhh bummer mate”, the helpline operator replied.
“Oh cheers, great idea, thanks mate!” Replied Bruce... and put the ‘phone down.....
