Fishing secret
A guy is out ice fishing and he hasn't had a bite in hours, but the fellow next to him is pulling in fish after fish. Exasperated, the man finally approached the successful fisherman to find his secret.
"What's your secret buddy, I mean you've been pulling in fish left and right all day long."
"Ooo gahh takee darmns orm" the guy says.
"What??"
"Ooo gahh takee darmns orm"
"I’m sorry, I just can't understand you."
"Oh...," he says and spits something in his hand.
"You've got to keep the worms warm."
What's the difference between a successful bank robber and one who ends up in prison?
One's a pro, and one's a con.
I just successfully robbed a bank!
Now what to do with all this sperm...
Successfully ran away from the cops today, after I stole a candy bar
They tried their best, but I had too many Twix up my sleeve.
What's Hillary Clinton's key to success?
The Delete Key
A man's car gets haunted by a ghost
So he decided to go to a priest to get it removed.
The priest performs the exorcism, and it works! He successfully removes the ghost from the car. He says to the man "That'll be $250." The man refuses to pay, and so a couple weeks later his car gets repossessed.
What do you call an iPhone 6S that ran out memory space.
Successful
If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it...
...then my illegal logging business is a success.
Success is like giving birth...
everyone congratulates you in the end but nobody knows how many times you got fucked in order to get there.
I made a sideshow of guessing whether you're right or left handed just by asking your favorite color.
I'm very proud of my 90% success rate.
I started carrying a knife after an attempted mugging a few years ago
Since then, my mugging attempts have been a lot more successful.
Operation successful
An older gentleman was on the operating table awaiting a complicated surgery on him and.....
he insisted that his son-in-law, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation.
As he was about to get the anaesthesia, he spoke to his son-in-law.
'Yes, Dad, what is it?'
'Don't be nervous son; do your best and just remember, if something happens to me.........
........your mother in law will come and live with you.'
The surgery was a great success....
It makes sense that Bernie Sanders supports Marijuana legalization...
...because his success has hinged upon high voter turnout.
HAHAHHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA.
Fuck, I need to sleep...
