There jokes

Don't say your life is a joke; jokes have meaning.

Today, I donated my watch, phone, and $500 to a poor man. The joy I felt as he slid the pistol back into his pocket was indescribable.

A man gets kicked out of police camp for writing "Who's that Pokémon" next to chalk outlines.

What do blind kids and orphans have in common? They can't see their parents.

Double standards: Burning a body at a crematorium is praised; doing it at home is seen as destroying evidence.

Where did Suzy go after getting lost on a minefield? Everywhere.

To the wheelchair-bound thief who took my camouflage jacket: You can hide, but you can't run.

During an FBI exam, three men face a scenario: to shoot their wives. The first two couldn't do it. The third admits, "The gun wasn't loaded, so I strangled her."

"One man's trash is another man's treasure." A great saying, but a terrible way to find out you're adopted.

Suicide is wrong, but if you yell "parkour" while jumping off a bridge, it's a failed stunt.

Ever heard of 'Naked and Afraid'? That's my uncle's version of hide and seek.

A police officer spots an elderly woman carrying two large sacks, one leaking $20 bills. He asks her, "Where did you get all that money?" She explains, "There's a golf course behind my house. When golfers pee through a hole in my fence, I threaten to cut it off unless they pay $20."

The cop asks about the other sack. She replies, "Not everyone pays."

My girlfriend left me, so I took her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back?

I told my boss that he needs to raise my salary because two companies are after me.

Boss: "What companies are those?"

Me: "The electricity company and the water company."

My flat earther friend decided to prove his theory by walking to the end of the world

In the end, he came around.

What do we want ?

rights for midgets

when do we want them ?

shortly

Just met my friend on the street crying his eyes out so I asked him what was wrong

He said "Today is the 2nd of the 2nd 2022 and I just turned 22 so I went to the bookies and put €222 on the second horse in the second race of the day.. It was at 2.22!"

"That all sounds great" I said, "What went wrong"?

"He came second".

2 tampons are walking past each other, which one says "hi", first.

Neither, they're both stuck up cunts.

I wish my ex could look down from heaven and see me now...

But nooooooo! The mother fucker is still alive.

My wife was feeding the baby and complained that she just refused to latch and suck.

"Aww," I said. "More like her mother every day."