There jokes

Why are orphans bad at poker? They don't know what a full house is.

Why do orphans love boomerangs? Because they actually come back.

Why do orphans play GTA? So they can be wanted.

I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather, but not like the other passengers in the car with him.

Roses are red, violets are blue. If you ever feel alone, I'm always watching you.

I was digging in our garden when I found a chest full of gold coins. I was about to run straight home to tell my wife about it, but then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.

Head of Company: "We need to stop testing our products on animals." Consultant: "Why? The shampoo companies do it." Head of Company: "Yeah, but we make dildos."

What is the worst motivational thing to say to a depressed person? If at first you don't succeed, try, try again.

I will always remember my grandpa's last words: "Stop shaking the ladder, you clown!"

Suicide is never the answer. Suicide is the question. The answer is yes.

My grandfather has the heart of a lion... And a lifetime ban from the zoo.

They laughed at my crayon drawing; I laughed at their chalk outline.

What do you take care of after a car crash? The witnesses.

A blind woman tells her boyfriend that she's seeing someone. It's either really terrible news or really great news.

The more suicidal people there are, the fewer suicidal people there are.

The Toaster; otherwise known as the ultimate bath bomb.

"I hate going to weddings because the old lady next to you always whispers in your ear, 'You're next.' So I started doing the same to them at funerals, 'You're next.'"

Who needs April fools when your whole life is a joke?

I wasn't planning on going for a run today, but those cops came out of nowhere.

Two kids were beating up a kid in an alley, so I stepped in to help. He didn't stand a chance against the three of us.