There jokes

Why did the stormtrooper buy an iPhone?

Because he couldn’t find the droid he was looking for

Doctor: *looking through microscope* I've never seen anything like it before

Other doctors: *under their breath* its truly incredible

Me: so viagra won't help?

A man walking on the beach stumbled on a bottle.

He picked it up and pulled the cork and a genie jumped out.

Genie: Thank you for freeing me. I will grant you one wish.

Man: I've heard this one, whatever I wish for will come back and bite me.

Genie: Nah man I won't do that. In fact if that happens I'll give you unlimited wishes for the rest of your life.

Man: Okay, I want a boomerang with teeth.

I was in Russia listening to a stand-up comedian making fun of Putin.

The jokes weren't that good, but I liked the execution.

Two Mafia hit-men are walking deep into a forest in the middle of the night. One of them says: "I gotta admit I'm scared out here." The other replies: "You're scared... I gotta walk back alone!"

There are 10 types of people in this world

Those who thought they knew what the punchline would be, and those who are now searching for the original joke.

A school finally decided it's ok to show their students a documentary about menstrual cycles.

It was about bloody time.

Tornado warnings are active for Cleveland, Ohio.

Residents are invited to seek shelter in Cleveland Browns Stadium where there is no chance of a touchdown.

I went to a really emotional wedding yesterday. Nearly everybody was crying.

Even the cake was in tiers.

Bro, do you want a pamphlet?

Brochure

I saw a kidnapping at school

...so I woke him up.

My wife said she would leave me if I kept pointing at inanimate objects...

I said “there’s the door”

Why hasn't Africa ever won Olympic gold in basketball?

Because Africa isn't a country.

Two rapists

Two guys are driving a car when they are stopped by the police. The guy opens his window and asks what's going on. The police: "We are looking for two rapists." The guy closes his window and the police sees the two guys discussing and making gestures. Finally the guy opens his window again: "Okay, we're in."

Three babies in the womb discuss what they would like to be when they grow up. The first one says, “I wanna be a plumber, so I can fix the pipes in here.” The second one says, “I wanna be an electrician, so I can get some lights in here.” The third one says, “I wanna be a boxer.” The others look confused and ask, “Why do you want to be a boxer?” He proudly replies, “So I can beat the hell out of that rude bald guy who keeps coming in here and spitting on us.”

Joe Biden recently said his kid's won't have offices in the white house.

Mainly because he also won't have an office in the white house.

What do you call a man who cries while he pleasures himself?.

A tearjerker

where do babies come from

A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."

Two men discuss vasectomies...

First: "I'm thinking about getting a vasectomy, but I'm worried about performance..." Second:" I had one, I was worried at first but after a while I realized there just wasn't a vas deferens"

what is 40 feet long and only has 3 teeth?

The funnel cake line at the Arkansas state fair.