There jokes

Why does Hellen Keller masturbate with one hand?

So she can moan with the other.

Sex is like golf,

the more holes, the more fun you have.

Waiter: "How would you like your steak sir?"

Me: "Medium?"

Medium: "I can see it, he wants it well done"

Wife: Why do you go out in the balcony, when I start singing.

Husband: Because the people would think I am beating you.

ME: When's the right time to ask a girl for anal?

INTERVIEWER: I meant; do you have any questions about the job.

Where do facts come from?

The factory.

My friend told me a joke about a TV controller.

It wasn't remotely funny.

I am always a Gentleman.

I always open doors for a Ladies.

I was holding a door open for a young lady

Yesterday, ignorant bitch said to me.

"Will you fuck off, I'm trying to have a shit."

Did you hear they changed the font of alphabet soup?

Now it is Times New Ramen

A young boy comes home from school after learning about sexual health and asks

Boy - 'Dad what does a vagina look like?'

Father - 'Well son, that depends. Are you interested before sex or after sex?'

Boy - 'Urmmm, before'

Father - 'It resembles the beautiful petals on a rose'

Boy - ' And what about after sex?'

Father - ' Son, have you ever seen a bulldog eating mayonnaise?'

My neighbor just got arrested for growing pot plants

I guess my property line isn't where I thought it was.

I always wanted to be a multimillionaire, just like my dad.

He always wanted to be a multimillionaire too.

Tim, the 68-year old virgin died yesterday.

He never got to 69.

I've been in jail 5 minutes and already got raped twice

I'm fucking done playing monopoly with my dad.

My wife left me because I bought the new Nintendo, but I'm not even upset...

...it was time for a Switch.

My friend was visiting from Barcelona, and he asked me if he could crash on my couch.

I wasn't expecting some kind of Spanish imposition!

I have a bumper sticker that says, "honk if you think I'm sexy"...

I just sit at green lights until I feel good about myself

What is the difference between girls aged:8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58 and 68?

At 8 – You take her to bed and tell her a story. At 18 – You tell her a story and take her to bed. At 28 – You don’t need to tell her a story to take her to bed. At 38 – She tells you a story and takes you to bed. At 48 – You tell her a story to avoid going to bed. At 58 – You stay in bed to avoid her story. At 68 – If you take her to bed, that’ll be a story!

My boyfriend admitted to me that he's a dom

I always pegged him as a sub.

What does COVID and riding a motorcycle have in common?

You can do everything right but other people can still fuck you over.